My mother is in a Personal Care facility -- fancy assisted-living type place. She has numerous health issues, compounded by mental health issues & dementia. She is on tons of medications for all of the above. Especially psych meds. She also suffers from a chronic anemic state & heart condition as well as a probable cancer in her pancreas (we can't put her through an invasive, dangerous biopsy procedure to find out).

All of this means that Mom suffers from confusion, imbalance, lightheadedness or dizziness. (She does not articulate her experiences unless we ask specific questions.)

She uses a walker now.

She has a bed that she has difficulty getting in and out of, so we lowered it by removing the wheels off the bedframe. Doubtful that we can find a lower boxspring.

The next step is probably getting her a medical bed. Problem is, Mom probably can't figure out how to get in and out of that either (with all the buttons to raise/lower it and the grab bars). She has difficulty with "body mechanics." Figuring out how to toilet properly. How to turn around to sit in a chair, especially as the walker gets in the way. Supposedly the physical therapist there is helping her occasionally, but that doesn't mean she remembers what to do.

I've had serious concerns about Mom falling. She's already had a few falls in which she's banged her head and skinned her knee. Each time, she has to go to the ER for a cat scan of her head. I worry about the number of CT scans she's getting lately. She is starting to hide the scrapes on her knees, not telling anyone she fell, as she doesn't want to go to the ER. I don't blame her.

We have a hired Medical Advocate and a strong-willed sister who acts as power-of-attorney. Truthfully, there's not much to be done. Mom's quality of life is nil. We're not doing any life-saving procedures.

But I wrote an email expressing my concerns about her falls and the probability of continuing to do so. How can we support her, I asked?

And don't you know -- tonight the staff found Mom in the hallway -- lying on the floor, tangled up with her walker -- unable to extricate herself from it :(

They wanted to bring her to the ER again. Medical advocate and POA sister overrode them on it. Plan to have her go to an outpatient CT scan tomorrow, to rule out anything "serious" rather than go to the ER. But even so, it's a risk not getting it addressed tonight.

But the thing is: Mom is going to the hospital every week, whether for appointments, tests, transfusions or because of a fall. I don't blame her for being tired of it. And we can't rescue her from her failing health.

As much as I'd like for them to do less CT scans (I hear they're dangerous when overused) -- the truth is, Mom has what? 1 year? less ? more? of living. The Drs have no idea.

I feel sad that she's on so many medications for so many ailments, but my hands are tied. I am not allowed to conduct my mother's affairs. This is up to the Medical Advocate and my sister. And without the psych meds, my mother would most likely be a real agitated mess.

So, what to do? She's still ambulatory. Dunno if at some point they're going to stick her in a wheelchair for safety reasons. Can't imagine they would -- because sitting is the death knell for a lot of elderly people.

We could perhaps "proof" her apartment better?? But tonight's fall was in the outer hallway in the building itself. Not her own apartment. So there's no safeguarding her there.

I feel sad for her. And I have to learn to accept that this is how it goes. Not much that can be done, I don't think. I'm open to hearing any of your experiences re. this -- suggestions, ideas, thoughts. But there's little that I can enforce or do. The only thing I can do is make suggestions to the Advocate and my sister.

Thanks for listening. Sorry this is so long.

((Hugs))