Dementia Support Group
Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be memory, attention, language and problem solving, although particularly in the later stages of the condition, affected persons may be disoriented in time, place and person (not knowing who they...
My grandmother has very recently begun to steeply decline into what may be dementia or Alzheimer's. I have spent a lot of time around her and i love her but shes always been a somewhat unpleasant woman to my mother. My mom was never good enough for some reason and my mom is really a caring, intelligent and accomplished woman despite not going to college. So i never really had the hallmark grandma/ granddaughter experience because of some resentment but i care for her. Crazy now that out of 6 children my mom's the only one taking any initiative in taking care of her. I'm more worried than devastated and sad for her when i visit. She keeps calling us in a panic saying shes trapped in here (her house) and she must go home to her house (which shes already at).
My mom's found her trying to leave and my mom's sister recently had a stroke and has been away a week. It all suddenly started to happen when my aunt had the stroke. The other night she forgot who my mom was completely out of nowhere. My mom's siblings are all trying to opt out of helping my mom. I've offered my help but my mom's concerned i wont be able to emotionally handle it (admittedly things effect me really heavy and when she starts talking craziness i usually cry.)
I went over today and she told me when she was my age (21) she had a job dancing on rollar skates after i told her i got a new job at the gym....a few minutes later she told me she left her sweater at the place she rollar skated. I said what when you were my age? She said no today. She was in her house all day. I thought about correcting her but she gets really mad when we try to. She seems okay sometimes then gone suddenly. She tried to cook hard noodles in butter on the frying pan and burnt them. We know she cant be left alone anymore. We are thinking of putting her in a nursing home but my other aunt is completely against it. The entire family is arguing and putting it all on my mother who works full time + as a transcriptionist.
The hallucination about her needing to go to her other house is persistent. Is that normal for one hallucination to persist? Why does she keep going in and out of her cognitive functioning? Should we put her in a nursing home? Should we correct her when she tells us something crazy even if it upsets her? As a granddaughter how can i help her? I been stressed like crazy because i know my mom's tired, i'm worried for my grandmom and i'm worried for my aunt who had the stroke. Any advice i'd appreciate.
My mom's found her trying to leave and my mom's sister recently had a stroke and has been away a week. It all suddenly started to happen when my aunt had the stroke. The other night she forgot who my mom was completely out of nowhere. My mom's siblings are all trying to opt out of helping my mom. I've offered my help but my mom's concerned i wont be able to emotionally handle it (admittedly things effect me really heavy and when she starts talking craziness i usually cry.)
I went over today and she told me when she was my age (21) she had a job dancing on rollar skates after i told her i got a new job at the gym....a few minutes later she told me she left her sweater at the place she rollar skated. I said what when you were my age? She said no today. She was in her house all day. I thought about correcting her but she gets really mad when we try to. She seems okay sometimes then gone suddenly. She tried to cook hard noodles in butter on the frying pan and burnt them. We know she cant be left alone anymore. We are thinking of putting her in a nursing home but my other aunt is completely against it. The entire family is arguing and putting it all on my mother who works full time + as a transcriptionist.
The hallucination about her needing to go to her other house is persistent. Is that normal for one hallucination to persist? Why does she keep going in and out of her cognitive functioning? Should we put her in a nursing home? Should we correct her when she tells us something crazy even if it upsets her? As a granddaughter how can i help her? I been stressed like crazy because i know my mom's tired, i'm worried for my grandmom and i'm worried for my aunt who had the stroke. Any advice i'd appreciate.
I am going to do that this week, on my vacation. My mom is not functioning well at home and I work full time. She is paranoid, and afraid being alone all the time. If social services don't step up soon, I will have to pay to have someone stay with her a few hours a day. The hospital can advise you what to do next. If you can, keep her at home, they are always better at home.
Hugs and good luck.
The 1st Step to Acceptance:
Your grandmother needs to be evaluated by a medical professional. First of all, she's a wander risk. That is not something to be taken lightly. Second of all, she needs to be assessed for a Urine Infection. Urinary tract infections are common in the elderly and can cause hallucinations. I know because my mother suffered from hallucinations (seeing bugs, paranoia about the neighbors). Once her UTI was cleared up, much of her hallucinations went away.
As to not recognizing her home as her home, I have heard it said that sometimes people will say "I want to go home." It isn't about their physical location, but about that place where we associate with comfort. Sometimes that's a childhood memory. Wherever we felt safest. "I want to go home" -- for me, is reminiscent of the home I grew up in when I was a child.
She is reminiscing about her past, but then getting confused. And she's not recognizing people. Definitely need an Eval. Sounds like Alzheimers. There is an Alzheimers Support Group on DS as well -- so maybe people there can offer you additional support, too.
As to Correcting her when she says something Crazy? NO. Do NOT Correct Her. Rule of Thumb: If she's Not hurting herself or someone else, leave it be.
What comes of correcting someone is that they feel frightened and scared -- because they're not understanding -- and this feeling then transmutes into Anger and Aggression.
What do you get out of correcting her? It's not going to change her perception. You're trying to reason with someone who has a Brain injury, who for all intensive purposes looks the same, but is not acting the same. She cannot reason.
The Book "The 36 Hour Day" (Nancy L. Mace, Peter V. Rabins) has good info in it and is very easy to read.
She probably needs more support & structure than what the family can provide. My attitude is: those who insist she should not be in a nursing home, should be her 24 hour caregivers. And they will discover quickly that perhaps they're in over their heads.
Your mother needs to draw a very strong boundary around that, rather than be the family whipping boy, where others are telling her to take on the very stressful work of taking care of her mother, who has not been very kind to her.
(I have a similar mother, btw -- she has dementia & mental health issues -- and was not loving nor compassionate with me, ever .... so it takes tremendous compassion to deal with her now. She is in an excellent nursing facility, designed to help people like her.)
I'm serious. Family can fight all they want, but Your Mom has to protect herself. If she brings Grandma to a Dr, the Dr. can perhaps Order that Grandma goes into an Alzheimer Unit, etc. And then it's out of the Family's Narcissistic Hands. Mom can always hire an Elder Lawyer, if things get out of hand with the family.
Get Grannie a physical evaluation, including a urine analysis to rule out a UTI. See what the Dr says.
((Hugs))