I hear you and sympathize.

It's sad that we have so little info and knowledge of mental illness. And even less help. Usually we have to wait until something bad happens before the doctors will step in.

Sadly we can not go back in time-if only we could knowing what we know now...so we have to deal with the present the best we can.An pro can suggest to you support groups and info,but you know your father better than anyone-so between the two-it should help you thru this-each second as it comes.

I am really good at finding answers. My mom is on home hospice for dementia. I have done a lot of reading and have books. I would be more than happy to help you with whatever I can, if you have any questions, I have 5 brothers and sisters that don't help me at all. For 2 1/2 years I have also had to find information out myself, without doctors, even the best medications. Again, please let me know if I can help. The docs are not very helpful, its just making it through each day. Trust me, I know how hard it is. Donna

I know this post was originally in 2013 but since I just saw it, and recently lost my husband to this disease , I wanted to share how important it is to me to clarify something that is so commonly misunderstood and/or mis-stated.
Alzheimers/dementia is NOT a mental illness. It is technically an "organic brain disease" .........which means it is a physical problem. I realize it presents symptoms similar to mental illness. I have very good reasons for clarifying this. I would rather not go into that at this time .......But the fact that it is a physical and not a mental disease , it still comes with a huge stigma, just as mental illness does. I would love for people to stop stigmatizing both types of illness. It's like stigma over skin color ; it's not something you can change about yourself. Or your loved ones. NAMI is a great organization for support and info on mental illness. A book that is helpful for dementia caregivers is The 36 Hour Day, a John Hopkins Press Health Book

I totally agree that it is a physical problem. At the time, I considered that my dad had both dementia and a mental illness and my rant was about the lack of support out there. Reading books only goes so far. At the time, I was simply feeling overwhelmed swimming in the deep end of the pool without the training to do so.

I was dealing with a person who would gladly take my life(this because of his mental illness) while watching the slow decline that dementia brings. I didn't know whether to run or stay. I value my life and he is dangerous. Still there is no help. When it comes to mental illness in America, we are left to our own devices. Then something happens and people wonder why we did not do something.

If his insurance will cover it-you can get help to come in every so often to help you with his needs-and if he is violent towards them-I'm sure they can advise whom to contact in that area as well...good luck

He refuses to have anyone come in. I'm lucky if I can get in. I've contacted human services and they say there is nothing they can do. If a person is an adult and refuses help or treatment, it is their right. They told me that I had to wait until he becomes a clear and obvious risk, i.e, he goes out and threatens someone. Or he is found sleeping in his car because the lights have been turned off and it's the dead of winter. Then they can step in. Until then anything I say is considered his word against mine. No proof.

Recording him will not work either. I live in a state where it is illegal to record someone without their permission.

My hands are tied.

I am having some of the same problems with my husband. He is definitely slipping mentally. I am planning on leaving. I am talking to a marriage counselor.

Good luck

Truhal there is only so much a person can do sometimes and then it's a waiting game ...

Missd-the marriage counselor is certainly an idea-good luck

Hello This Too,

Iam happy that you clarified to those who did not know that Dementia is NOT a mental illness.

I have my BA Degree in Psychology with two Concentrations in Mental Health and Addictions with a Minor in Sociology.

My husband who is only 58 just got diagnosed this past April (2014) with Dementia / possible Frontal lobe... this has been a three year nerve racking , hair pulling ect... trying to find out what is wrong with my husband. It seems like I was the ONLY one who saw a change and I am the ONLY one who took him to one Dr. after another and I am the ONLY one who is taking care of him. This is going to be a long journey for him and I.

His family does not care and Iam sure many are or will go through this same thing. I sometimes post on the Alz. online helpline. very similar to this. I do recommend those who need more info. to find one in the area. They have helped me tremendously but its still overwhelming and I still need people to talk with.

Since my husband just got diagnosed and recently lost his license , he's been very angry. Fortunately he still works but for how much longer ?? The Dr. thinks because he's been working at the same job for over 28 years.

Thank you

Niki

Just want to clarify my earlier post: Dementia is not a mental illness. My dad has a mental illness and is now developing dementia.

There are many forms of dementia. Some involve plaque build-up, none are curable. At least mental illness has medication that can help.

Imagine the horror of having both.

I finally got my husband diagnosed with dementia after several years of being told it was "normal aging" forgetfulness by the VA. I moved to Florida when Hurricane Sandy hit the Jersey shore. I was able to orchestrate getting his car keys away when we moved. That alleviated the issue of taking away his driving privileges out right. Both daughters are in denial and have stayed in New Jersey not having to cope with the decline of their father. He isolates himself all day, every day with no conversation all day, every day. My days are in isolation except for my writing. I started a blog: www.undermynursescap.com, using all the experiences I have had as a foundation for my posts. The name of "Daily Strength" support group grabbed my attention. I have found that we must be our own advocates and research all the information that is out there. Sometimes we run out of inner strength and are guided to outside sources for support. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts!

The best of luck and happiness to you sisMart.