I am at mid stage of dementia/alzheimers and I do know what I am talking about at this minute!!! I have learned to keep my sense of humor when I can, but I am serious in saying, your Dad is where he belongs, he does not know when is is not himself and when he is his normal self as you have always known him, he does not understand why he has to stay there, I have been blessed with a very good and loving friend that has been my helper thru the last 3 years of this stuff and she has helped me to understand every step I have taken. When I started to do some strange things and even before I knew I was doing strange things she went to the internet, because she knew I was not my "normal" and learned all she could about dementia and alzheimers, she is in the medical field so she knew enough to know just what I might slowly getting more goofy than I usaully was (smile). Without her I would not be able to be here writng this today, and after making the rounds to all the doctors to finally to be offically diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers (the reason I write alzheimers also is because I have been told by my Dr that I will be and already have developed syptoms of it and I accept that) I would suggest the more you know about the disease the better you understand why your father does what he does, it will never ever be easy for you I am sorry to say, at times I drive my friend nuts but for whatever reasons she sticks as close to me as she can stand and I understand that. Also may I suggest while you are learning about dementia on the internet also look up for some help for support in your local area. Look up alzheimers on the internet and you will find all kinds of information for both dementia and alzheimers and information on who to call for information to get some help for you and your husband their is all kind of help in most area's some does cost money and even in some area's there are support groups that can give you a hand at times. I hope I have been of some help and I wish you and your family the best thru this journey, it is not easy but can not be avoided I am sorry to say. God Bless you and your parents. Phil and I will answer any questions that I can and I do know when I am having a bad day as of yet and I understand at some point in time I will not, but thank the Good Lord I still do.

I appreciate your deeply caring reply as I am new to this site. I would like to share with you the fact that my dad went into the nursing home because he could not walk. He still was not better so he stayed . My Dad is so Loving!
He has always been there for me. At first I was mad at my husband because he would not let my dad come and stay with us. My Mom said she could not care for him because of her health and it doesnt seem to bother her she has accepted it i guess. Dad wants to comehome and live with us and I would let him only my husband wont. it is a hard situation. This is my dad and I want to live with him. I feel so sad when he asks and I have to say no and tell him why. At first i made my husband tell him no and i looked at my husband. it is really hard.Sometimes i dont think that they take good care of him.
thank you for listening
blessings always ..........

For what it's worth: I was adamant that my grandfather-in-law would be allowed to stay in his home until he died. I felt that he should be allowed to have that, and I made sure all his children (and my husband) knew that I would fight for that. (He can afford full time in-home care.)

I finally changed my mind after seeing what he has been through in the past month. He does not want to be in a facility, but home is not good for him, and this facility is the best place in the world for him. I finally realized that he can't get the same kind of care in his home or ours.

My thoughts are with you.

You have a caring heart and would like to be there for Dad; Mom; Brother. You are feeling guilty and was upset with your husband in not being able to take Dad home. You are feeling more overwhemed with your mother inlaws needs.
Did I clarify this right?

Perhaps you are right. You need a break and a vacation. It is important to nurture yourself, nurture your relationship, nurture your immediate family. Communicate with hubby your feelings. Even if Dad remains in the facility, perhaps both of you can come to solutions to resolve some conflicts. I wish you best in what you do.

Facing, if you feel your Dad would do better living with you, you need to tell your husband to just accept it and think of your Dad. You will never forgive yourself if you wont at least try this living situation with your Dad. I took care of my Dad the last 5 years of his life at my home and now am caring for my Mom with dementia, it can be so rewarding and yes, sometimes tiring, but to have your Dad tell you on his last day on earth that he has enjoyed so much being home with family and it made it easier to have all of us around him, I jsut think of that moment he said that and I can always know I gave him the most important thing, love and caring. My thoughts and prayers go out to you in whatever you decide. God Bless your Mom and Dad. jrmom