Hello and welcome! I think you should be complimented for sticking by to help your mother when the others left! If you search online with your local medical board-they usually have drs/specialists listed (even if they have had complaints against them and their schooling) because you and your mother certainly do need a new dr.

Hi, the foul mouth, anger,and accusations are so common. Yes, you are right even the most confused can appear sweet and normal at dr's appointments. There are medications that give a 180% change. Even if they were grumpy before the dementia. Buspar comes to mind can't think of the others right now. A geriatric Dr who is familiar with dementia will be your best friend and hers. Google geriatric doc's, wishing you luck.

I was in a similar situation, but the bad part was dad wouldn't go to a doctor for diagnoses. All family members left as he'd always been nasty and had gotten worse.

I still don't know if it's dementia, but he did stuff like pushing me, then calling relatives that I was the one that pushed him. Said I stole from him and other horrible stuff. He called my job and told them lies about me too. He spent nigh and day trying to find ways to destroy me, but I stuck by him no matter what.

Then one day I woke up with the realization that I had spent the best part of my life trying to save a man who didn't want saving. I'd suffered a stroke, had high-blood pressure and he was still trying to find ways to destroy me. His hatred of me was palpable. I may never know his problem, but I finally left. I'm not saying this is for everyone, but it was my only choice. He was literally killing me.

Sad to say, but I blame alot of what I suffered on our failed mental health system in the US. I'd spent a year, running and begging for help to no avail. I was told he's got to do something before we can do anything. So dad is there with his guns only I'm no longer the target.

And yes, I'll live with regrets for having left him, but at least I'll be alive.

As for medications, doctors are reluctant to give to elderly people because of reactions. I don't know a lot about this, but drugs react differently in the senior crowd. Something else to keep in mind--even if she's prescribed the meds, will she actually take them?

A geriatric physician is a good start. Doctors today just can't specialize in everything and elder medicine is a specialty. You might try getting a video or audio recording of your mom's outbursts. Doctors do know that the patient in their office is an act. Everyone behaves in the principals office :)

To truly diagnose dementia it would take testing by a neurologist. Very few people really need this or are willing to under go the testing since it is very upsetting. But a geriatric Dr can do a mini mental eval which would show cognitive changes. They can also rule out other medical problems that can be causing mental changes. This is the first real step. Then if your mom agrees he can prescribe some meds to try. But it's not a quick fix. Medication often requires several tries to find the right one and the right dose. And then it is constantly changing as the disease progresses. Not an easy road.

Do you live with your mom? What is your relationship like? Does mom have friends or activities? And does she have other medical problems? Even the best patients can be difficult. Having a whole care plan is important. Mom needs to have things in her life.

Oh Boy,

I had to go through this when my father was suffering from dementia; the foul language got old fast !!!! When he did that, I would talk to him in a calm voice, low tone and ask him not to speak like that. Sometimes, he listened, sometimes not.... Inhibitiions definitely wane... Loss of short term memory very often causes them to become accusatory; if they can't find something, "WE" obviously were the culprits of the disappearance. AGGHHHHH

I couldn't count how many times my father was hospitalized and when I warned the staff not to trust his behavior because he was putting on a show of niceness, it was invariably met with sarcasm and disdain. It always and inevitably came to a point where the staff couldn't wait to get him out of their ward due to his violence and filthy language! Every hospital stay eventually turned into a straight jacket for him; can't do it in a nursing home but the hospitals can.

Medication definitely makes them a little more reasonable but it's not a cure all. I'd do what was suggest previously; if you can record a session of her here and there that shows her in true light of personality would help tremendously with any doctor that you see.

Hi there! I am new too. I am going to a similar situation with my Mom. She had three major surgeries and was living at an assisted living area because she almost burnt her house down (with her in it). Remember to take are of yourself because if you don't you will be of no use burnt out to your mom. My mom is currently getting evaluated at a geriatric behavioral health unit. Search the net for something close by. They have geriatric doctors who can evaluate her inpatient or outpatient. I did inpatient with my mom because she was having so many behaviors and we were going to try some meds. The inpatient stay just helps watch her closely for any side effects and to if it is making a difference or not. It also takes the stress of you trying to monitor that at home. Hang in there!

Oh one more thing.... Remember the doctors work for you. You (or your mom) are paying them with your insurance or money, so if you are not happy with them find someone else. And if your clinic is like mine and they ask why you would like to switch explain what has been happening. You need someone that is going to be a support and willing to listen to you. Especially when your mom condition changes. Just something I had to tell myself... because switched a few doctors before I found the right one. :)