These last few weeks have been trying ones for me. I find myself with horrible pain under my right rib. My kidney has also been hurting. Not to mention that I have had diarrhea and throwing up for over two months. But now I throw up after every meal. I keep calling my specialists and they haven't had any appointments to see me till Feb. After two visits to the ER they found I have a kidney infection and suspect that I have gallbladder stones. Usually i would have gotten my Remicade infusion on Friday but it got pushed back. My immune system is compromised so surgery for the stones is out. Now to top it off I got a cold from my roommate. I already suffer from horrible joint pain. It gets so bad that I have to use a wheelchair sometimes. I am so dizzy and the nausea is unbearable. They told me that my liver and pancreatic levels were also off.

I try to be brave. But i am feeling scared lately. Scared that the Remicade isn't working. (even though I know there are other choices out there because i want them to be the options for later) Scared that I am getting even more complications from the UC. I knew they would be coming but I figured it would be later down the line. I'm still young I gotta stretch what i have left of my body down the line. I try so hard to take good care of myself and lead a "normal" life. (which isnt at all but you know as close as possible) The only thing I haven't been able to do is lose the Prednisone weight.

I already need help bathing, getting dressed. I can't do simple things like change the sheets without suffering for hours after. I feel so unattractive and I'm always scared I smell. (everyone swears i dont)

So I guess I am done venting for now.