Crohn's Disease & Ulcerative Colitis Support Group
Crohn's disease is a systemic inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) of unknown cause, that results in chronic inflammation of the intestinal tract. It can affect the entire gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus, and can also cause complications outside of the gastrointestinal tract. There is no known medical or surgical cure for Crohn's disease, but there are many medical...
Alrighty... i think the header states what this topic is about very well... but anyway, who here has gotten into a committed relationship after developing IBD?
And all of the medical issues that you have, how have you and your partner dealt with it. Not just the physical aspect, but the intimacy issues, the emotional issues, you know, the whole kit and kaboodle.
I know for me... for some reason my girlfriend is ok with my IBD, even when we are cuddling, and i have to scoot to the bathroom pretty quick... i feel bad about it, and weak, but she doesn't even bat an eye. And the times that i have been in pain, i try not to show her that side, but it comes through anyway, well... she doesn't bat an eye. I have found someone pretty special right there... and it got me to thinking on how others deal with it and maintain a relationship.
And all of the medical issues that you have, how have you and your partner dealt with it. Not just the physical aspect, but the intimacy issues, the emotional issues, you know, the whole kit and kaboodle.
I know for me... for some reason my girlfriend is ok with my IBD, even when we are cuddling, and i have to scoot to the bathroom pretty quick... i feel bad about it, and weak, but she doesn't even bat an eye. And the times that i have been in pain, i try not to show her that side, but it comes through anyway, well... she doesn't bat an eye. I have found someone pretty special right there... and it got me to thinking on how others deal with it and maintain a relationship.
There are things in my relationship that I make up for Sometimes I do more of one thing or another but there are plenty of loving wonderful things he does to make up for where Crohns has stepped and stopped him. Some things in my life have stopped me from being able to do some things too IE I cant kill a spider and I am terrified of them. This is where he steps in!
No relationships balance will be 50/50 its about giving and taking. We find a way to make it work where I may do 75% of the home chores but he does 75% of the bills and accounts. It all comes out in the wash and as long as we are honest and talk about things it works.
He makes sure on the nights he does feel good to make sure to let me know so we make the most of those good times.
All relationships are work. Hes got to work with my issues and I have to work with his. So what if his may be on the more uncomfortable level to talk about? So was my abandonment issues when my father left. Life is hard and we all have our own issues and baggage. Never stop something from making you feel like you are worthy of love and all the wonderful things that come with it. You will have to deal with their baggage too after all!
I FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DO. I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW BUT MY DOCTORS HATE HIM. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE HEADED.
I look at it like this: He is who he is with or without UC. I fell in love with Mike, not his digestive system! :O) "
I hope I can find such a person who understands.
Yours,
Mohamed
First off, I would like to say that I am very happy for you that you found a lovely girl who is pretty understanding! If she can understand a chronic illness and still be supportive, you can get through anything in your relationship. I'm going to copy and paste what I said to someone else a few months ago who had a questions about relationships and UC, this is what I said:
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now, and although I can get through the day with my tummy (I usually go about five times a day), some days are better than others. My boyfriend is extremely understanding and our relationship is absolutely perfect. He's my best friend, we joke around, we enjoy the same hobbies, we encourage each other to do well in school and to be a better person. That's what matters in a relationship, and if you meet a girl/guy that feels that way about you too, UC will not be the main factor of whether he will stay with you or not. Whenever I'm having a good day, we go to the movies and do things, but if I'm not feeling well I'm always open and I say, "Hey I'm not feeling too great today could we maybe watch a movie at home instead and have a movie night?" This way I'm able to stay near a bathroom, but at the same time we still are hanging out together. For the intimacy side of the relationship, I say the same exact thing. "Hey I'm feeling alright today, or today I feel crappy, literally!" This way my boyfriend knows that I'm still attracted to him and he's not the reason why I don't feel intimate, its because of my stomach. He knows that when we are intimate if my stomach feels weird I may have to make a break for it to run to the bathroom and he's understanding. I can honestly say that it has made us closer as a couple and I feel like if we can get through this, we can get through anything that life will throw at us. He knows certain foods that I can't eat and he asks me everyday how I'm feeling so we're always on the same page. Not everyone is perfect and you will be looking for a guy/girl that can support you with UC and that guy may be looking up to you for support in something else. My boyfriend and I always joke about it too and he always says, "I love you so much I wouldn't mind changing your diapers when we're older if I had to," that's when you know that you've found the right one because they're that comfortable with you! My boyfriend is also lactose intolerant and although he doesn't have horrible tummy problems, his stomach does get upset randomly sometimes, but not as often as me. We just try to put one another in the other persons shoes, that's the key to a relationship I think. If you need any other advice you can always message me!!! Good luck, be yourself and always be honest!!!
Just try and remember that UC isn't your personality, your girlfriend loves you for your personality and that's what counts.
Don't worry!! You will not be single forever! It may feel that no one will ever come to understand you and your CD but trust me they will.
I have UC and I went through the exact same thing that you're going through right now. I was a freshman in college this year and I was super excited to get out and be somewhere new. I was excited to be able to meet new people, and do new things.
Well at the beginning of this year I met my bf in our math class. Haha. We began talking over the next few months and once I felt that I knew him well enough I let him know about my UC. He really didn't care that I had it and he was very understanding about it. We have been together now for 3 months and we're really happy. I'm glad to have found somebody that appreciates me for who I am. I have learned through all of this that even though we have UC/CD it may be part of who we are but it doesn't define us.
Good luck and I know you will find someone that cares deeply for you :)
Don't worry!! My boyfriend was actually one of my close friends! You never know! We didn't know that we would even date one day! I have a friend who's mom has IBD and she's married! It's possible, we just have to make the best out of the worst situations, I think that's the key to this disease and also to any relationship!
Kricha- I'm so happy for you that you found someone who cares about you and doesn't mind your UC. I know you've been going through a tough time!! Good luck with the rest of the school year! I know finals are starting soon, ugh, so make sure you destress!!!
Guppy - Aww lucky you! I can't say any of my guys are my type (esp. in a physical way LOL) But it's still hope! Got to start making cute friends, lolol imagine?But good for you I love how your relationship is sounds a lot like an old flame I had, very fun and care-free!