Normally I would run from this kind of post because it plain scares me. However I have been sick and tired of living like this for a while now that maybe it's time to think about the end.

Right now it's not such a scary thought. My reason for struggling on is my kids they are grown up but they still need me. I can still babysit for my grandchild listen to my kids problems provide the tea and sympathy. With regards to my self my pleasures in life are very few. I have you friends on hear. My real life friends have moved on my hubby is living his own life. Even my dog has had to do with cuddles instead of walks and fun.

Which brings me to today I'm seeing my pcp and am going to ask for an increase in my anti D meds I'm hoping that will keep me going for an other while and take away this empty place I'm finding my self in.

I set down the other day with the hospice nurse and asked her about the end and how scared I was of the not being able to breath. She told me that they would not let that happen the morphine would take care of that and I would not feel it.

They used to say that pneumonia is an old man's best friend. Prior to antibiotics, a minor infection led to dehydration and a comfortable death.

Now let us talk about long term chronic illness where we are gasping for breath, worn to a frazzle & unable to do for ourselves. Hospice for me as well as relief for my family. Comfort & dignity are my priorities without prolonging beyond reason and using up all financial resources.

My outlook as an old person must be different from those of you much younger. I still remember when I was your age - no thought of dying ever.

Now, I think I have all my T's crossed to reduce stress and strain on whoever cares (son, sister, spattering of friends and me). However old or young you are, the best you can do is a day at a time. This way of life becomes your mantra as you get older and wiser and when most of your life is behind you - too bad this acceptance usually comes into play after you've checked off many, many years. (Hospice sounds perfect to help you die free of pain. I need to check my will to make sure this is there)

I have a Living Will, I have DNR in place. I rarely think about the end...I want to be surprised!

Grannie you are wonderful!!
God bless you

simply sally, you are the first one that has addressed the physical pain of this disease!!!
for the past year i have had unbearable pain that seems to migrate to different areas of my body.
mostly joint pain with some muscular & tendon rearing it's head now and then.
all the doctors say that it isn't related to my lungs, although my new pg says that when my O2 is down those areas that have injury (herniated disc, plantars fasciitis) "flare up" due to lack of O2 getting to them.
as most know, my last exacerbation i was put on a med that gave me bursitis in my knees, left arm tendon pain & right hand finger pain.
i thought it was the meds; or maybe they set it off, but now the knees are better, but my right shoulder & tendons in that arm have started horrible pain the last few days.
like you, i felt i could handle the lung disease (i have emphy & pulm fibrosis), but this unrelenting pain has taken me down bad!
i'm sorry to interupt ths post and our subject, but sally is the first i've seen post this and i have hope there is someone out there that has pain besides me!!!
also, it is the unbearable, unrelenting pain that makes me think of my demise more than the lungs. like i said, my sister died of this in 2009 and the last 2 weeks were the worse, but they gave her ativan/lorazapam and she said that made her comfortable.
with pain comes the viscous circle that dr's don't want to give me pain med because it will lower my respiratory rate & i "could die int the night."