It's always difficult to tell family members about the diagnosis . I don't know what stage you're in and how bad it is effecting your every day life, but if it is not that bad yet, I would delay telling her until you can see her in person .

Tis always hard to tell your loved ones of bad events that occur in your life. If you are recently diagnosed and in an early stage, I'd tell her. You can also tell her that there are medications and life style changes that can minimize the effects of COPD. It gives her the opportunity to care about and for you, lessening her concerns of self - if just for the moments you talk.
To not tell your loved ones until you are years and stages down the line is often seen as a betrayal of trust. Reactions to that are usually not pretty...

Hugs,
Dennis

Recently diagnosed? If so...
I think it's important that first you have a handle on your condition. Such as, doing research, re-checking your outlook, accepting your diagnosis, getting medical/emotional support etc. If it's been recent then you probably have some work to do on yourself first.

I would want my mental and emotional state to be strong. I don't see a rush.

I agree with Dennis.
There will be a right time to tell her, and you will know . It would be better if it was done in person, but if not, let it be on a day your phone call is just to talk, not her calling you for help or advice. Tell her the doctor diagnosed you and also tell her this is a progressive disease, but it can be managed with proper meds, exercise, diet, ect, all of which you are doing, or will be soon. Let her know that in the future, there will be some lifestyle changes you have to make, and as it progresses, you may need help doing things. Also, let her know, people have been dealing with this disease for years, so it is not like it is going to take you right now !!! Do it gently, with love, and do not mention her troubles, because that has nothing to do with your illness, and may make her feel guilty if she can not get there to help you. She may or may not respond favorably to the news, but that is her choice. The more she , and you, get reliable information on the subject, the more she and you will understand, and it will take some of the scary away...
Hugs to you both
BJ

I, too, agree with Dennis that it is most important to tell her and
to tell her there are lots of treatments that will be of help to
you in dealing with it.

It would be cruel not to let her know. Try to do it when you are
more upbeat and not in a sad mood....not always easy....but
something all us mothers learn to do both with our little kids
and our big kids.

Birdcat

lreyn, that is an extremely difficult nut to crack. It does make it more difficult not knowing how far along you are, and what health issues your daughter has. But I would be as straight with here as possible. have all your cards on the table so you don't have to drop other larger bombs on her later. Also, she may surprise you and not fall apart, pulling aside her issues while she helps you deal with yours. Clearly the sooner you can tell her the better off you both be quicker. Heike makes a good point if you can travel, face to face would be best, but if you can't I still believe the sooner the better. Hopefully you will gain strength from the support the group gives you. Take care, Bill

i agree with the others, that you need to be emotionally okay when you tell her.
I told my children as soon as i got over the shock of being diagnosed.
We were able to talk about it openly and i felt it was better to tell them about it while i was in a healthy state of it and not sick where they would find out anyway and the hard way & worrying about me being sick.
my youngest daughter had the hardest time, but by telling them as soon as i knew, i was able to say, "i am no different than i was last week before i was diagnosed" and since i was put on 02 immediately i was able to tell the kids how much better & stronger it made me feel. (which was the truth)
no one wants the dx for themselves or a loved one, but at least once we are diagnosed, we can start doing things to care for ourselves & get the best treatments possible.

It is not an easy task.Finding the right words.Family members rightly
feel the responsibility to protect and nuture loved ones when they got sick.
I regret telling my parents ,because they are old and was devastating for them.My parents are brave people able to handle a lot but this was more sad for them than for me.
I was very honest about my fears and anxieties.
Ireyn ,the right time will come when you will be able to tell your
kid,With her health problems I just imagine the sadness .
Hugs to you and be brave,we all have to.

Thank you all for your kindness. I have empysema the Dr. said. I doubt I will see my daughter for quite a while. Airfare from Virginia to Hawaii is expensive and the flight is horrible. 14 hours. Ugh. I will get myself together and tell her. I am a strong person I know that so is she. When I do tell her I will let you know how it goes. It's even hard talking because of the time difference. It's 6 hours earlier there. I so wish she could move back. Again thank you for your help. Prayers for all of you.

I guess you all are younger than I am. Copd is just one more problem of aging as far as I'm concerned. My knees are worn out, my hips are worn out, everything's kinda shot so that the lungs are too is not a shock. I don't talk to my husband about it or really anybody else.
I just check in here to see what I should be doing and taking and follow that. Works for me : ) So farz

Interesting j.h. I have the same perspective as you in this regard. I'm a senior also and expected deterioriation along the way from one thing or another.

I haven't gone into my emphysema to any length with my family. But I've been diagnosed long enough so that discussions are met with their comfort in my acceptance, my information, and my attitude (somedays not so good, but then discussions can wait ).

It may also have something to do with how I've tended, throughout my life, to approach family with issues dealing with my ups and downs. I tend to wait until I have my ducks in a row - which as why my initial response was such. Much to do with comfort level i.e. what is "normal."

I am a senior, 68 It's just hard as I'm sure you all know I am newly diagnosed and doing my best to show a brave face. My youngest daughter (42) knows. The one in Hawaii is 8000 mile away and can't get here for financial reasons on both our sides. My husband is 3 years younger then I am and to make matters worse he got laid off from his job after 32 years. He is double down in the dumps, has health problems and I am worried about him. They say when it rains it pours. Sorry for venting but thanks for listening.

I agree with j.h. and Joany, I am old as dirt and just wore out, I have so many things wrong with me I cant keep track of them. I only have one son left and he, at 57, also has Emphy, we compare notes, so to speak.

I tend to keep some things to myself, each person is different, it is your life, and you tell who and what you want to.

I am 58, recently diagnosed (Dec/13), my daughter is 33. I told her fairly early, after I had done some research on my own to understand the disease better. I wanted her to have time to get used to the idea of me being disabled before it came as a shock to her. We Skype more often than talk on the phone because i like to see her facial expressions when we are talking.
Once you have a handle on your diagnosis & understand it as well as you can, then I would have a Skype conversation with your daughter, so you can talk to her face to face. This way she can be reassured by the love for her in your eyes.

I wanted to weigh in on this as it is a subject I have not brought up with my family yet. I am 61 in Sept. and will be visiting my family then and figure we should have the talk. I was diagnosed in 2008 and am still in fairly good health in consideration. I go back and forth with Pulmonary Hypertention too. I just had another PFT and as usual most of my numbers are up,, it is my DLCO that is low (40). My daughters will be very upset and I wonder about telling my 88 yr old father,,, whether it would be too much of a shock (only daughter) for him. This is something we all have to face and I think it is finally time.
Jan