COPD & Emphysema Support Group
COPD is a progressive disease characterized by airflow obstruction or limitation. Emphysema is characterized by loss of elasticity of the lung tissue, destruction of structures supporting the alveoli and of capillaries feeding the alveoli. Both have symptoms that include shortness of breath, among other respiratory troubles. If you are a COPD or Emphysema sufferer, join...
Hello everyone! I hope your Sunday is healthy and relaxed!
For 2 years, my son Chris has been trying to get a job. He hasn't been able to, partly because of the economy and partly because 11 years ago he made poor choices and wound up with some misdeameanors against his record. He's had nothing against his record since then, but it has followed him everywhere. Anyway, he finally asked if I would consider sending him to our local community college to take a truck driving course. I did, and he will be graduating on Thursday. He was notified a few days ago that he has been hired by a company with corporate headquarters in Missouri.
I'm so happy for him! Every day for 2 years, I watched his self esteem dwindle and his hopes dashed by jobs he thought he had in the bag, only to find out at the last minute that he was not chosen. At 31 years of age, he was feeling like a failure, and felt even worse that he had to depend on me for everything. Now, he's on cloud 9. He's excited and eager to begin his new adventure, and anxious to pay me back for all the financial support I've given him, which I assured him wasn't necessary but which I'll accept, knowing that it will reinforce his feelings of adequacy and self esteem. I haven't seen him this excited in many years.
But I'm sad too. I've been divorced for 27 years, never remarried, and Chris is my only child. All my family is gone except for a sister who has paranoid schizaphrenia, who I haven't had contact with since my Mom passed away in 1994. Chris has been the center of my universe for a long time, and I love him dearly. Without him, my world will be an empty, lonely place. Just knowing he was in the house, even if he was in one room and I in another, made me feel less lonely. I have two kitties at home, but nothing can take my son's place. My heart aches for him, and he hasn't even gone yet! I guess this is the "empty nest syndrome" I've heard about through the years. I'm trying to think of his as an exciting time, and I am happy for him; but I also can't help feeling like my world is falling apart. I hope with time, this will pass.
I apologize for the long post. I never meant for it to be so long. I would appreciate any advice that you, my friends, can give me to help me get through his leaving this Friday. Thank you for being there for me.
For 2 years, my son Chris has been trying to get a job. He hasn't been able to, partly because of the economy and partly because 11 years ago he made poor choices and wound up with some misdeameanors against his record. He's had nothing against his record since then, but it has followed him everywhere. Anyway, he finally asked if I would consider sending him to our local community college to take a truck driving course. I did, and he will be graduating on Thursday. He was notified a few days ago that he has been hired by a company with corporate headquarters in Missouri.
I'm so happy for him! Every day for 2 years, I watched his self esteem dwindle and his hopes dashed by jobs he thought he had in the bag, only to find out at the last minute that he was not chosen. At 31 years of age, he was feeling like a failure, and felt even worse that he had to depend on me for everything. Now, he's on cloud 9. He's excited and eager to begin his new adventure, and anxious to pay me back for all the financial support I've given him, which I assured him wasn't necessary but which I'll accept, knowing that it will reinforce his feelings of adequacy and self esteem. I haven't seen him this excited in many years.
But I'm sad too. I've been divorced for 27 years, never remarried, and Chris is my only child. All my family is gone except for a sister who has paranoid schizaphrenia, who I haven't had contact with since my Mom passed away in 1994. Chris has been the center of my universe for a long time, and I love him dearly. Without him, my world will be an empty, lonely place. Just knowing he was in the house, even if he was in one room and I in another, made me feel less lonely. I have two kitties at home, but nothing can take my son's place. My heart aches for him, and he hasn't even gone yet! I guess this is the "empty nest syndrome" I've heard about through the years. I'm trying to think of his as an exciting time, and I am happy for him; but I also can't help feeling like my world is falling apart. I hope with time, this will pass.
I apologize for the long post. I never meant for it to be so long. I would appreciate any advice that you, my friends, can give me to help me get through his leaving this Friday. Thank you for being there for me.
I just finished reading your post. I am sort of in the same position as you with an adult child living home and struggling. Our son lost his job due to the economy and it has been very difficult for him. It seems he battles losing out on jobs due to not as much experience as others that will accept jobs for less pay. It is so hard to see your child struggling. We have enjoyed him being home as he lived in another state but this is not where he needs to be.
It is hard to let go but that is what we have to do. The fact that your son will move for his career is a compliment to you as having done a wonderful job raising him and giving him the courage to test his wings. Our daughter also lives away so I know what it is like to watch them go. Not easy but so proud.
When your son comes to visit you will find it so exciting and fun. I am very close to both my children and trust me just because they do not live in the same house or the same town that does nothing to break your relationship. We talk every day and remain so close.
It is hard to let them go but trust me you will be proud.
Karen
The thing that helped me most was the fact that I worked full time and lots of travel was involved. However, it would not be that way today and I would be as on my own as much as I am since my second husband died.
The good news is that you and your son have a loving relationship and that won't change I'm sure. I am so grateful for mine.
For me, when a painful anniversary or event is coming up, I plan well in advance to have something pleasurable to do right after that and, best of all, with a close friend or family member.
Make a list of things you want to take on while you are on your own if it helps. I do that in order to remember that I still have a purpose in life and it gives me something to focus on and feel good as I check off the items one by one.
My hobby is reading and so I make sure I have enough good books around to read and those that fit every mood.
Your son sounds like a wonderful person and you can be proud of that. Mine are too and they call me every day which helps. It might be a good time to join a group where you can make new friends. That worked for me until I was too ill to actively participate but I am 75 this year so that is a factor too.
You will be in my prayers this coming weekend and I know you are a strong person and hope you stay in touch to update us as you go along too. Our health issues bring lifestyle issues with them as well and I, personally, think it's all relevant.
Love, Cindy
When he was over the road he would live in the truck and get home for 2 or 3 days a couple of times a month. With one company he worked for he was able to bring the truck home and park it on the street. He would have to back it up the street because it is a dead end. With the others he would leave the truck at the closest terminal and I would drive the 75 miles to pick him up.
I am adding a pic of him and the truck.
Gary
As parents we have to do our best raising them then let them go and pray they learned well what we taught them. My son was also losing his self esteem, and getting really sad and I just hope and pray this college helps him find work.
Tell him how much you love him, how very proud of him you are, and you are just a phone call away if necessary, but you have faith this is the right thing for him. You are not losing him, you are letting him grow, I have to learn that also.
God Bless
Brenda
I will try all your suggestions, and I know I'll get through this with time because it's what's best for him. Love and hugs to each one of you!
although my kids have all moved out of my house about 10 years ago; i was blessed with my 3 kids living in the same town with the grandkids for many years and it was a fun and exciting time with farmwork & family.
then about 6 years ago they all moved away 1 by one for work or love.
2 live about 2 1/2 hours from me & 1 lives clear across the country.
they all want to come back to this little town, but there is no work for them here.
i know my kids worry about me like i worry about them & miss me as much as i miss them.
i thought of selling and moving out, but i don't want to live in the city & this is my home. luckily i am still able to travel & the 2 that are in the same state come to see me as often as possible.
i'm so happy that your son has gotten his life together and hopefully if he does move out he will still be close by and you can see him often.
my prayers are with you as sometimes it is so scary living alone.
but god provides. right now i have an "adopted daughter" that has moved in & is helping me since my neck surgery...they say "god never closes one door without opening another"
i guess i'm babbling, but i just wanted you to know i understand & my love goes out to you at this exciting, but scary time for you ((((HUGS)))))
How would your son feel about you moving to Missouri, too?
i missed the missouri & i had to look up where you were again.
that is far.
i was a trucker for the last 15 years or so....
i learned over the road, but once i got my license & experience a local sand/gravel/asphalt company hired me so i worked alot of hours, but was home ever night & weekends.
long haul gets old,...maybe once your son gets some experience he too might find a job closer & where he at least gets to come home on weekends.
geez i am not only getting senile, i can't read all of a post right LOL
It's been rough, but we got to a place, that we both appreciated one another more, and I treasure the time I've spent with her the past 2 years.
That's why the past 3.5 months have been so hard! Her being in the hospital for this long, its lonely here!!! I'm lucky to have Val in my life now, and have been as you know, going there pretty much every weekend.
Well, Mom is actually leaving the hospital tomorrow, and going to rehab, FINALLY!!!
But, no matter what happens, whether she comes home or not, i'm so glad I moved back, and it brought us closer, and made me realize how wonderful a woman she is, and how much I know, after she's gone, the times we had, and i will treasure those times. At least I know, that i was here with her, and we got much closer, and there is a lot of love between us, and we have developed a great relationship!!
Boo