Thanks Boo. I thought I remembered Paula writing something like this.

Thanks, Boo. I so hope you're right and we hear from her soon!

Whow, That is such good news. So there is a glimmer of hope...but I am concerned that the family remember to do this. If she is able to communicate, even by writing a note, I feel she would have them contact us, because Paula was always one that did not want others to worry. Her last e-mail to me was saying she was having such bad episodes the crisis nurse said she could no longer be alone, and she was so weak she did not know how many days she had left. That was 11 days ago. So let's pray she is just on the mend somewhere and the family will remember to contact DS.

Praying for Paula to feel better and be able to let us know. Hoping she is able to let us know. Maybe she is just taking a break.
Love and Hugs to you Paula.

I don't want to be a downer here on this post, but from what I saw with my Mom , as they had her on Morphine like every 4 hours, and as the end drew closer 2 hours. With all that meds in Mom she really couldn't do much of any thing.. She couldn't talk, hardly move her own body and was very still.. She tired to tell me she loved me, but she just couldn't form the words with her lips... She was very dry, she hadn't eaten or drank anything in a week. She would open her eyes for a moment.

So, I don't think Paula would beable to tell anyone to do anything for her.. She was allready weak, and couldn't be left alone and they had upped Morphine..

I don't know, all we can do is pray that she is well...and hope someone she might have told will contact the group..

Love to All
Linda

I will continue praying and hoping for the best:):)

Well Linda,
You said what I did not have the nerve to say, because I didn,t even want to think of her that weak. But I have no doubt that is the case, judgeing from her last note to me.
I personaly feel she is gone, or going, and remembering my own mom with hospice, once they start the morphine at that late stage, it is usually to help you ease out of this world.
Mom could feel pain, and would open her eyes a few times, but mostly she just slept and they told us she would continue that until she just would not wake up.
Paula e-mailed me onetime, several months ago, of being afraid of going to sleep, because she would wake up gasping, and she was afraid she would not wake up one time.
I do not want to be the heavy here, this is just my feelings, and if that sweet, blessed woman wakes up and reads my posts and wants to bless me out for saying all this, I will welcome it with open arms and heart, and let her play fuss at me all she wants.
Paula is my sister in Christ, and I love her like a family sister. I want her here, as much as anyone, but if she is so weak , or in a morphine induced state, then I pray God would take her gently, because I would not want her to wake up and return to the gasping for air, begging for morphine, and being afraid to sleep in case she would not wake up.
My older sister died from a brain tumor, my mom died of cancer and complications of copd, I watched them both suffer, and watched the peace that hospice gave them.
Maybe her family is to distraught right now to be concerned with DS, or checking her e-mails. Perhaps one day in the future we will know for sure.
I hope no one gets upset or angry at this post. It was written with love and respect for Paula and all of you who love her.
Perhaps to honor her we should start a thread of the funniest, or most memorible things in our interactions with her. Things she said or did, that we can all share. Then if God grant us a miracle and she gets better, we can share them with her.
Love Brenda

Dear Brenda,
I felt something was wrong when I read Paula's post about needing some TLC. Before my Mom passed, it would have gone right over my head, but I read that and all I could think about was my Mother.
I thought of Paula often as I felt she was in a bad way, as a matter of fact, I remember asking if anyone had heard from her... I just knew things were wrong.
I wish someone had more information on Paula and could follow up , but I guess that's cyber space...
Because she was a sister in Christ, we know Brenda that the Lord tells us " Absent from the body, Present with the Lord" she is back home and in Glory.... with my Mother...
And if this isn't true, she will get a big laugh out of all our thoughts here and know that she is Loved !!!
I pray we get closeure on this.....
Linda

Ya know, I think it was Paula that said she couldn't hold her head up and went for x-rays, I think it was her. Anyway the last week, my mother couldn't hold her head up either, we would say " Mom , are you tired, get in bed" she never answered, but she was so weak she just couldn't keep her head up... the post just reminded me of my Mom.. I knew Mom couldn't get better, but I didn't think all these things that were happening where leading up to her death.

Praying.............I think the one thing we all need is the closure....on way or another. The "not knowing" anything is the worse and its human nature to expect the worse..................which can sometimes actually be the best:)

I am just hoping the best for Drinkcoffee and I hope we all hear sumptin soon:):)

Although i posted that, i also am thinking the same as you all are. But, when Jim had posted that one comment...somehow, someway..i searched to find a glimmer of hope about why we haven't heard from her, or if there was a way to find out.

I will admit, i'm not good with death, but if she was suffering, and has passed ....i would be hoping she is not in pain anymore, and not out of breath.

She also mentioned in her last email to me, that she felt it was time, and that she was afraid to fall asleep, and stop breathing. I know that feeling, when i was in the hospital, in a small sense. I was so worried that i had been told that i stop breathing when i sleep, i was afraid to go to sleep.

My experience i'm sure, is NOTHING like she was experiencing, but i know how scared i was, and i can just imagine how that made her feel, in the serious condition she was in.

For now, I'll just keep saying prayers for her to be at peace, and in no pain....wherever she is, and whatever happened.

I am also saying prayers for Curt, LadyLungs, drinkcoffee and whoever else is MIA.

hugs,

Boo

Hi, everyone. My name is Phyllis. Paula has been a member of my photo/art site Innographx for many years. I hadn't seen any work by her so on May 27th I sent her a private message at the site. It's still in the outbox. I was able to find this forum, and now my worst fears have been confirmed.

I also have COPD, emphysema and more recently chronic bronchitis. Have had it for about six or seven years since I first noticed trouble breathing when I worked in the garden. I am not a smoker. Thru research I learned that new studies in Pittsburgh and Madrid both show it's an autoimmune reaction. In most cases, to cigarette smoke, but in my case, just one more of the six autoimmune diseases I've had.

Anyway, the fact that Paula never replied to my message is cause to fear the worst, since she was on the site every day and always replied quickly.

When Paula first told me she had COPD, in reply to my post about it on my site, was two years ago. She said at the time that she was told she wouldn't live past January, 2011. That's what her doctor said in the fall of 2010. She proved him wrong with another two years, during which time she produced some lovely artwork on my site, posting new pictures several times a week.

I'll miss her. She was a wonderful woman and a good friend. :(

I will add my email to those you surely have sent her, and we'll probably hear something when the family gets around to checking her mail and closing her accounts.

Phyllis Stewart

Phyllis,
Thank you so much for your post. We also love Paula, and most have feared the worst also. My last e-mail from her was May 23 and she said she had experienced the worst breathing spell ever, and had to call the crisis nurse, who could not ease her fast enough. She also said God pulled her out of it, but did not know how many days she had left.I never had the pleasure of meeting her personally, but thru posts and messages and e-mails, we became close, and she was a very strong, devoted , beautiful person. She will always be so missed on this site.
Brenda

linda and brenda; i don't think you guys are being "downers".
anyone who has gone thru the death process with someone kind of knows that all the symptoms Paula was having were those of someone in their last couple of weeks (from what i have seen anyway).
i'm glad we had the thread on here where we all said to her how much we loved her.
i may be a downer also, but i know i just want to go with no suffering & with as much dignity as possible. so i have felt for some time that paula has gone and is no longer afraid or unable to breath.
as i said before, i never realized when i came on this support group that i would come to think of so many as friends and family. it is as hard losing paula for me as it was my sister and i have had to mourn these past few days. i am so happy that i did email her also and when she told me how bad she was i was able to say goodbye to her then and how much she has affected my life.
she told me also that her sister or her mother would post for her if she passed,
but i also know how caring for someone the last couple of weeks is for the family, and then of course the funeral arrangements, cleaning up her home and their mourning; if they remember to come on here, it may be awhile.
Paula touched my life and i will miss her. However i believe in a higher power and i feel she no longer hurts, is scared and is in a much better place now.
may you rest in peace paula.
((((HUGS)))))

Jarca,
Thanks, I am glad someone understands...

jarca, that was beautiful, thank you for sharing.... Lv, Linda