Coming Out Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I have always liked other women as well as men, although not until lately have that really been clear to me. The plan has always been clear, marriage and kids, and it's always been about finding the right guy. But the past year that image is changing, I'm seeing options and I'm seeing that what happens happens. I've always liked other women, but 'cause of the plan and the expectations from people around me to find myself a man I have suppressed the fact that I am acutally bisexual although I've always known it.
When I started to realize it, it never was a big deal to me. Maybe because i have a brother that is homosexual (came out 10 yrs ago) and i have seen how accepting my family and friends are of that. I'm lucky. I'm also lucky to live in a country where same sex marriage and adoption are legalized.
So what's the big deal? I donno. I just think that the reality of it is coming to me since there is now a woman in my life. And i feel like i'm letting my parents down. I can't meet their expectations. All of a sudden I have this need to tell the world that I am bisexual, a need i havent had before. I want to scream it out for everyone to hear. But it's scary even if I have the best conditions I can ask for when it comes to coming out.
I have come out to my mother. And she hurt my feelings by simply waving it off. This is now important to me, and she wouldnt even acknowledge what I had told her. I think it hurts because I know her, she is waving it off because she thinks I'm confused, it's because I in general struggle with feelings and love. It's because she still got the image of me marrying a man and having children. I understand that I have had time to process it, time she hasn't had. I know I am lucky cause i know she'll accept it sooner or later but it didnt stop it from hurting. I finally muster up enough confidence to say it out loud to someone I trust and that person treats it like I just told her the sky is blue.
It's scary because somehow I feel like I don't know what I'm getting into. Everyday I hear about homophobia and biphobia and I realize that if I choose to live my life with another woman, that will become something that I need to butt heads with. It's becoming real. And every day not coming out becomes less and less of an option. I'm so tired of hiding significant parts of me.
How have it been coming out for you others out there? What have you had to deal with? I guess I'm looking for some kind of idea of what is to come. Even if I realize no one can really know
When I started to realize it, it never was a big deal to me. Maybe because i have a brother that is homosexual (came out 10 yrs ago) and i have seen how accepting my family and friends are of that. I'm lucky. I'm also lucky to live in a country where same sex marriage and adoption are legalized.
So what's the big deal? I donno. I just think that the reality of it is coming to me since there is now a woman in my life. And i feel like i'm letting my parents down. I can't meet their expectations. All of a sudden I have this need to tell the world that I am bisexual, a need i havent had before. I want to scream it out for everyone to hear. But it's scary even if I have the best conditions I can ask for when it comes to coming out.
I have come out to my mother. And she hurt my feelings by simply waving it off. This is now important to me, and she wouldnt even acknowledge what I had told her. I think it hurts because I know her, she is waving it off because she thinks I'm confused, it's because I in general struggle with feelings and love. It's because she still got the image of me marrying a man and having children. I understand that I have had time to process it, time she hasn't had. I know I am lucky cause i know she'll accept it sooner or later but it didnt stop it from hurting. I finally muster up enough confidence to say it out loud to someone I trust and that person treats it like I just told her the sky is blue.
It's scary because somehow I feel like I don't know what I'm getting into. Everyday I hear about homophobia and biphobia and I realize that if I choose to live my life with another woman, that will become something that I need to butt heads with. It's becoming real. And every day not coming out becomes less and less of an option. I'm so tired of hiding significant parts of me.
How have it been coming out for you others out there? What have you had to deal with? I guess I'm looking for some kind of idea of what is to come. Even if I realize no one can really know
As for what it was like for me coming out, it was terrifying. My family really doesn't know I am bi, I came out being transgendered, so they only know the one element. I told my mom first cause all of my siblings are closer to her than anyone, so I let her know. She had a hard time understanding that I was with a girl, over the concept that I planned to have surgeries to be one. I found that rather amusing personally. After that, I slowly came out to my distant friends first, and family on my dads side cause they didn't have contact with family on my moms side and I am not that close to them, so the loss wouldn't hurt as bad. Slowly it got to the point I had to tell my local friends and my coworkers. Coworkers I did in an email before running out the door for a 2 week vacation, afterwards everyone was weird for a couple days but I fixed that by just talking to them. Family, I told my niece, who told her dad (my oldest brother) who told my older brother, so on down the line. In the whole thing, I think I lost maybe 2 people from my life and they were people I didn't talk to that often, they just drifted away after I said it.
In my case, I kinda have to tell everyone because of what I am doing. it will be pretty obvious in all aspects of my life. In your case however you can choose to tell who you want and if you don't want to tell someone you don't have to. The only way someone would know is if they saw you with your girlfriend in a somewhat public display of affection. No one at work, school, doctors, whatever need to know unless you want them too, because they won't see you two together often if at all and so that buffers who you really need to come out to. As for things you can hit as far as adversary issues, it varies so widely from place to place. Here in the USA it even varies from state to state. Some states have tried to make it illegal completely, some are trying to make sure gay marriage is never legal and just don't care for the concept of gays all together, others, are good with it either way. It all depends, but don't focus on what media tells you. Media (especially the news) has become one of the worst enemies of humanity. They tend to only broadcast things that will instill fear in you whether intentionally or not. They will broadcast the newest beating of say a gay couple in the streets of X city, but won't ever say anything about the fact that the city has some several hundred thousand gay couples. So in that example 2 out of say 500000 people got assaulted on the street. When you look at it without that, it is terrifying, when you look at the actual statistics, it becomes a great deal less frightening. Please do keep that in mind when it comes to the media. I hope some of this is helpful. I know it is long, but I wanted to cover all of what you brought up :D