While I cannot give you the exact perspective you are looking for I did want to pitch in some that may help in some areas. Firstly, I dont believe that the idea of coming out would stop men from hitting on you. Coming out as a lesbian will only serve to aid in stopping people you choose to tell or those who might see you with a female partner. It would potentially give you a way out but no more than the idea of a ring on your finger would where you said "I'm married" for instance. I've known men that neither the idea of a woman being a lesbian nor being married would stop them from trying. As for the homophobic relatives and friends getting uncomfortable, that is a possibility sadly. Again though this is only if you choose to tell them. If they are family members you never see, then you have no real need to tell them anything. Obviously if you were in a same sex relationship and you are in the bringing them over for Christmas dinner scenario, you are in a different situation. Same to be said with friends, but in all of these cases you can also test the waters with little cognitive tests on them. News is happily full of stuff you can use, bring up a topic in the news or something and when/if they are defensive say something like "well what if it was X" X being some person they are close to or even yourself. Often people who are homophobic are only so because they cant relate it to themselves. It is so much easier to be hatefully when it's not on your doorstep so to speak. You also may have allies in your friend and family group who will have your back and if those people see they are the odd one out, they may just deal with it and keep quiet rather than miss out. I am trans (MtF) and i am in a relationship with a female. I have one group in my family who is EXTREMELY religious. The rest of the family while confused took my transition in stride and eventually now are just to the point its a non issue. The religious ones i see once a year. They made it known one year that they were adamantly against what i was doing, long story short, pretty well the entire family told them to shut up it was my choice and if they didnt like it then they could just not come. They still come, they still talk to me, they just avoid the topic all together. So there is a chance that even if some family or friends would stand against it, there are others who would equally defend you. When being faced with being the minority they may just overlook it. You in the end will have to make that call on who to tell and when and how. Unless you plan to make it blatantly obvious you are lesbian and all, to the general public its none of their business. This is all about you being happy with you. The feeling disgust and such for societal norms and so on, is more a you trying to make others happy. You aren't here to be a source of mans sexual desire, youre more than that. You aren't here to just pop out a child because someone wants one or wants a grand kid. you arent there to be eye candy, youre there to be you and that is 100% okay. Anyone who doesnt like it, well thats their loss in the end. theres billions of people out there and a good chunk of them would have your back in you being happy being you and doing what YOU want to do for YOU. Coming to terms with that can be a thing you can do yourself in time, you could talk to a therapist who can help and so on, but all the negative feelings you feel, the need to be subjected to what society claims you should be, sadly is essentially brainwashing that has been programmed and needs to be undone. The only thing you need to be is you. A happy you content in being you. This is long and im sorry for that, but i hope it was of some help for you. I know i am not exactly the perspective you wanted, but I deal with and have dealt with a number of poeple who are in boats similar so thought some of this may have some use.