Dear RJ,

Thank you for your post - this is my first time on this site, or asking these questions in any public form in general, and it is very reassuring to know that there are people out there willing to listen. I'm 34, married to a man, have a child. I've always had crushes on women, but was so deeply closeted in my mind until recently, it's kind of shocking to me. I just always thought it was like a kinky little fantasy for me. But recently, a few things just kind of clicked: the lack of physical attraction to men has been quite real, and i've made some surprising choices in partners for sure. It all feels rather shocking still and I haven't come out to anyone, nor intend to anytime soon. You say you are 31 - how long have you been out? I feel really dumb to have lived this long without really facing my sexuality... I guess right now I'm just looking to make a few friends, hear some other stories, think things through. I lived in NJ for 7 years, btw, but currently working abroad.

Thanks again for making yourself available and open!

Hi Rj;

This is also my first time in this particular group. I've been struggling for quite some time with my sexual orientation and have been in extreme denial I don't even know how to deal with this. I'm 36 and I finally know who I am. I'm finally happy with who I am. And I want to embrace me. I am married to a man (13 years) and we have 2 children. Anyway, I'm here hoping to connect with people in similar situations to help one another cope with what lays ahead.

Thank you RJ. I have shared my experience in past posts and I have received good advice. It was only until recently that I can say I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I was married for 18 years and have two kids. It was toward the end of my marriage that it finally clicked. Like many other posts, I don't understand why I was in denial. Even after one brief sexual encounter with my friend when I was 19, I just thought I was curious and that was it. It wasn't until after I met a woman at work where I felt this immediate connection that I never really had with anyone else. It was this undeniable attraction. It finally dawned on me that those feelings are what everyone talks about when they have that connection or when they fall in love. I look back and I realized I never had that with the men I was with. I really only had those feelings toward women. Although nothing happened between us, it did force me to come to terms with what I was feeling. It was difficult for me to come to terms with. I was scared and still am, but I'm in a much better place now after forcing myself to acknowledge my feelings. This whole process started over 3 years ago and I'm still taking baby steps. Nobody should feel rushed to come out and you should take your time and get to know your real self and what you want. I have come out to a few close friends and a couple of family members. I still have not told my parents or siblings. I believe most of my family will be supportive, but I'm still not ready. I keep saying I will wait until I meet someone and it gets serious but is so difficult not to be honest when we talk. They will occasionally ask me if I'm seeing anyone and I always say I'm too busy with work and the kids. The truth is, the dating thing is a struggle for me. I find it hard to meet other lesbian or bi women and I'm not comfortable going to clubs or support groups. Take your time on coming out because there is no time limit. Baby steps....

Hey RJ,

Thank you for the post it's so awesome of you to be someone for everyone to talk to even if they have no one. Anyways, my mother is straight from the boat from Jordan so she is very religious. 4 years ago my father outed me to my mother without my permission. Till today, even though my mother always says she "accepts me", at the same time she doesn't want me flaunting my sexuality to her family or anyone at all. That means not expressing my sexuality on any social media or in my life. I live under my parents roof still and it's as if I live by guidelines when it comes to being myself. She keeps throwing me back in the closet even though I am already out. I know she is ashamed of me, yet still says she accepts me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm getting depressed all over again and don't want to go down that road again.

Thank-you 4 a truthful and from the heart message. My 1st time here and from what I have seen THANK-YOU. I am here 4 you or anyone who is searching.BLESS YOU and KEEP A SMILE. Milklover