Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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/ Coming Out Support Group

Dealing with ignorance

farmgirl23
farmgirl23
Today, while watching a tv show with my parents, my mom and I had words over the issue of Bi. On the show, there was a scene where it showed 2 ex-wives of the same guy in bed together. It was meant to be funny, but my mother comes out with "Now thats just wrong" and looks at me and says "Isn't it?" i said no and she continued saying it was wrong because they were with the guy before. So I replied with "Haven't you ever heard of Bi" my mom: "yes, and its wrong. Deviancies are just wrong. They should be with one or the other." me: "it's not a deviancy. That on the tv isnt Bi, thats cheating. (one was still with the guy).

At that point the subject was dropped and nothing more was said. It's really bothering me because I'm still figuring myself out and whether i'm bi or lesbian. Also, I'm trying to get my family to stop saying "thats gay" subtely. But with this kind of ignorance in my family how can I even think of coming out to them in the future if my mom thinks its a 'deviancy'?
deleted_user
deleted_user
In the end, you have to do what's best for you. Even if it means hurting a few people in the process. You can't live a lie just to make everyone else happy.
procter1
procter1
I had the exact same situation, I'm a bisexual male and my family was so homophobic it was discusting. But I came out anyway because bisexual is what I am it's not something you can choose they came around somewhat and it feels so good to be out. Be profundity of who you are because you're the only you there is.
erniecoolcat
erniecoolcat
I had a sister who said something like that to me 28 years ago or so. It all changed when she learned that I was gay and one of our sisters was a lesbian. My mom is a but of a Christian zealot so she's another story. My sisters have no issue with it. Dad? Eh. He's getting more conservative and religious as he gets older. Parents are tricky.

Be true to yourself though. You are just perfect.
farmgirl23
farmgirl23
Thank you to everyone who has replied. I still have not brought the subject up since, but I know It will come up again. Hopefully by then I will be secure enough in myself to finally tell my mom I'm gay but possibly bisexual. There have been many times I've almost told her, but my insecurties on not knowing for sure who I am hold me back.
erniecoolcat
erniecoolcat
I feel for you. Those were so many years ago for me. I remember a close friend asking me how you tell family and others you've known for so long. I told her what I will say to you. Tell yourself first and wait until you're comfortable with it first.

Be solid. We are who we are and it is not bad. We can lead very happy lives and we can hope for our family's blessings but we can't be responsible for their feelings or actions.

It gets better. :-)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately, this will happen everywhere you go. At some point, I hope you will have the courage to stand up for what you believe in. As it is, I am not even completely, "out". My grandmother refuses to discuss the fact that I am gay and I have a partner that I hope to one day make my wife. My grandma always refers to her as, "Your friend."
I am going to school to hopefully, one day, be able to stand up and fight for myself and others (not just LGBTQ people, either!) I deal with the ignorance every day at school. I also happen to live in a VERY conservative community that is not at all accepting of people like me. It's hard, but I have hope that one day, people will be treated equally regardless of the person they love. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.