Coming Out Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Today is my 21st birthday. I've known I liked girls as long as I can remember... But I also liked men. I'm finally seeing that I don't like men at all anymore... And I'm scared out of my mind! My grandfather was a minster, none of my family will understand.
I tried to talk to my mother about it today and all she could say was, "Oh don't get yourself all upset, it's your birthday."
So now I'm sitting alone in my room, crying. On my 21st birthday.
I was forced by my sister, when I was 15, to come out as Bi. I then did everything in my power to prove to myself that I didn't like females. And now realizing that I don't care for men... It's like breaking up with part of me that I've known for 6 years. I hate it. I feel so alone, confused, scared. I feel like a failure to my parents. I've already put them through so much in my teen years, also being bi-polar. And now that my life is starting to coming together, this happens.
I want so badly to lie to myself... I want to be normal. But I just broke up with a boy that I was with for 10 months, purely because I didn't love him anymore. I didn't find him attractive, I couldn't even kiss him.
When I do come out to the rest of the world outside of my head, everyone is going to think it is just the bipolar talking. The scary part? Sometimes I don't even know. But being with/ around females feels like the most natural thing in the world to me. And being with men just feels plain wrong.
Why, when I think its normal for everyone else, do I have such a hard time loving myself for who I am?
I tried to talk to my mother about it today and all she could say was, "Oh don't get yourself all upset, it's your birthday."
So now I'm sitting alone in my room, crying. On my 21st birthday.
I was forced by my sister, when I was 15, to come out as Bi. I then did everything in my power to prove to myself that I didn't like females. And now realizing that I don't care for men... It's like breaking up with part of me that I've known for 6 years. I hate it. I feel so alone, confused, scared. I feel like a failure to my parents. I've already put them through so much in my teen years, also being bi-polar. And now that my life is starting to coming together, this happens.
I want so badly to lie to myself... I want to be normal. But I just broke up with a boy that I was with for 10 months, purely because I didn't love him anymore. I didn't find him attractive, I couldn't even kiss him.
When I do come out to the rest of the world outside of my head, everyone is going to think it is just the bipolar talking. The scary part? Sometimes I don't even know. But being with/ around females feels like the most natural thing in the world to me. And being with men just feels plain wrong.
Why, when I think its normal for everyone else, do I have such a hard time loving myself for who I am?
deleted_user
You are normal, you just happen to like girls. There is nothing wrong with that, so please don't try to "lie to yourself", and I hope you get back to loving yourself. I"m afraid i don't have much advice to offer except for you to be yourself. I wish you luck and i'll say a prayer for you. If you need to vent to someone, please feel free. Take care.
Shlay
Thank you so much for your reply. Even though today has been harsh, and still not quite over yet, there has been more good than bad. I just happen to let my emotions take the best of me at times. I feel so thankful for my life and all the people in it, good and bad. The good reinforce me through my journey in life, the bad teach me lessons. I have just had a heavy dose of reality the past few years and the dust is settling. It weighs heavy on my heart, but in the end, makes me feel more alive each day. As soon as I woke up this morning I sent out a text message to almost everyone in my phone book, telling them how thankful I am for having them in my life. Telling them that they made me who I am today and that I will carry those lessons with me forever. I have gotten quite a few replies. I never realized how loved I really am. I even received a call from an old friend from my teen years who I have not spoken to in some time. I'm just rambling at this point. But it feels good to write more about the positives with the negatives in hindsight.
deleted_user
You're welcome. I'm glad you realize just what a wonderful person you are. You're allowed to ramble, i may be wrong, but i think that's what this site and the rest of us are for, so ramble on. :) have a good monday night. :)
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