Coming Out Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Well, to keep it short my boyfriend, the first guy I have ever loved and probably will continue to love, broke up with me last night. I am destroyed.
He wants to be a friend. I think it will be very hard.
Can anyone please tell me what to do. I really don't know what to do.
Thanks,
Andy
He wants to be a friend. I think it will be very hard.
Can anyone please tell me what to do. I really don't know what to do.
Thanks,
Andy
Friends are hard enough to find and keep, let alone relationships. It may be difficult to see him in less than a "boyfriend" status, but if he means that much to you I would try to stick around and be there for him. He may have got "cold feet", is he struggling with his orientation? Not yet secure in himself being gay?
I can relate to the hurt you feel. One thing to remember is that you will more than likely always love him even though you move on. If this is a recent breakup, I would suggest time apart before you try to maintain a friendship. I tried to remain friends with my ex, even went so far as to let him live in my house for 8 month, and can tell you that it eats you alive.
I don't want you to think that I mean that you two will not come to a point in the future where you can be friends, but give yourself the time to grieve for a lost intimate relationship. I know for me, the best thing for me was that I stopped seeing and talking to him until I was in a better place inside. Depending on how deep in love you were with him, and that is in no way meant to be a bad thing, will dictate if you are able to let your emotions lower down to just friends. You may not know if you are able to do it for some time to come and that is not a bad thing.
One thing to remember in any relationship is that the best ones start out as friends and grow into more. If you can manage to be friends with him after the hurt is under control, you may find that you are closer to him that when you were together. If you are a reader, there is a great book called Rebuilding Blocks, that is supposed to be for divorce but is also good for getting over any kind of break-up.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time to grieve. Grief has several steps including anger, so allow yourself to work through it, forgive yourself and him for whatever issues caused the loss of the intimate relationship, then worry about wether or not you can be friends.