Coming Out Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Hi -- wow this is very difficult to write.
I feel outed -- and wrongly so -- by a colleague/friend at work, and I'm having trouble handling it.. I'm straight although I have an androgynous attitude towards my work and some private bisexual tendency. I live a straight lifestyle and will continue to.
Both my colleague and I recently left a work environment made toxic by the person in charge. We were hired as a team at our current job.
I explained to her the reason why I left the previous job -- I trusted her friendship enough to confide that the behavior of the person in charge felt as dysfunctional and manipulative as that of my former husband. That was a 19-year marriage during which we saw 8 marriage counselors. I'm divorced now and very much on a healing path. I had promised myself that I would honor my gut feelings and never remain in such a toxic situation again, if conflicts couldn't be resolved. Although i don't have a problem separating personal and professional life, the politics at the former job felt like a personality disorder gone institutional. (And ironically both former and present jobs are notably open and affirming of sexual orientation.)
My colleague's response: "you were MARRIED??"
I was blindsided, deer in the headlights, all I could say was yes, I didn't say how inappropriate the question was. Such a tender topic that I really don't want to bring it up again but the line was definitely crossed, a boundary violated.
Any input from other group members here? Thanks very much.
I feel outed -- and wrongly so -- by a colleague/friend at work, and I'm having trouble handling it.. I'm straight although I have an androgynous attitude towards my work and some private bisexual tendency. I live a straight lifestyle and will continue to.
Both my colleague and I recently left a work environment made toxic by the person in charge. We were hired as a team at our current job.
I explained to her the reason why I left the previous job -- I trusted her friendship enough to confide that the behavior of the person in charge felt as dysfunctional and manipulative as that of my former husband. That was a 19-year marriage during which we saw 8 marriage counselors. I'm divorced now and very much on a healing path. I had promised myself that I would honor my gut feelings and never remain in such a toxic situation again, if conflicts couldn't be resolved. Although i don't have a problem separating personal and professional life, the politics at the former job felt like a personality disorder gone institutional. (And ironically both former and present jobs are notably open and affirming of sexual orientation.)
My colleague's response: "you were MARRIED??"
I was blindsided, deer in the headlights, all I could say was yes, I didn't say how inappropriate the question was. Such a tender topic that I really don't want to bring it up again but the line was definitely crossed, a boundary violated.
Any input from other group members here? Thanks very much.
I am proud of you for deciding that you will not stay in a bad situation, a lot of people could benefit from having that attitude. It's also good that you are willing to admit to yourself your bisexual tendencies. Making the decision to keep your sexuality to yourself if fine, that is your decision, as long as you are willing to admit it to yourself which you did.
I will wait to hear if you about is she outeded you to another person or not before commenting on that. Although I do understand your hurt from her asking that. Although to me it wasn't such an unusual question. I told someone a few years ago that I am bi, and they immediately asked "but your married". It was not their intention to sound rude, or ugly in any way, they were just surprised that someone with any type of sexuality issue would be married, it was more of a problem of them not understanding the nature of the sexuality. That does not mean that you did not have a reason to be offended. If you felt they could be trusted, and they violated that trust then you had every right. Just try to understand things from their point of view. Of course if they were trying to make sure other people heard what was said, then you should not only be offended, but pissed at that person. I await you to let me know if they told someone else or not.
Hopefully I managed to help you feel more comfortable about the situation.
Fortunately I don't meet a lot of people and disclose my personal info unless I know them way too well...
I just hope in your situation u went with ure gut feeling and her reaction was totally unaccounted for...not knowing however if she said that out loud or just to your ears...