Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I read something recently in relation to co-dependents which I found to be useful, so I thought that I would share. A lot of us think that we feel lonely or it's because of our fear of loneliness that we have this compulsion to fulfil the needs of others. It seems better to put up with offensive, rude, even demeaning treatment, than to be on our own.
We can't feel lonely though. All we can feel is a bundle of feelings associated with loneliness such as anxiety and fear. These are feelings that we may feel whether we're involved with people who fulfil our needs (and vice versa) or on our own, hoping for someone to fulfil our needs.
Once you accept that it's OK to feel anxious or afraid, and to see it for what it is, you'll start to feel a shift within yourself.
We can't feel lonely though. All we can feel is a bundle of feelings associated with loneliness such as anxiety and fear. These are feelings that we may feel whether we're involved with people who fulfil our needs (and vice versa) or on our own, hoping for someone to fulfil our needs.
Once you accept that it's OK to feel anxious or afraid, and to see it for what it is, you'll start to feel a shift within yourself.
Fear can't exist when love is present. Love exists UNDER the fear.
"One's Company: Reflections on Living Alone" a book by Barbara Holland. "No doubt about it, solitude is improved by being voluntary.....A change of situation, like divorce or widowhood or a new job or a long-distance move, can open up a whole garden of new friends or else leave us totally isolated. The inspirational self-help books insists that it all depends on us, and if only we were a better kind of person we'd find the garden instead of the solitary cell, but they're dreaming. Much depends on the luck of the draw."
Speaking only for myself: I am lonely, I certainly feel lonely. I do not have anyone greeting me either in the morning or evening, not even a pet. It's a much different experience than anxiety or fear, both of which have their place in my life, but is not some amalgamation equalling loneliness. It is emptiness. An open chasm. Nothingness. Welcome.
i think if you are comfortable being alone then you will not become a co-dependant, thanks for sharing you views and take care.
After 17 years of living alone, I can certainly tell the difference. Maybe I should go to a bar and look for a hook-up? Oh, wait, maybe I should hire an escort? Oh, wait. Maybe I should join yet another group, where people go their own way afterwards without batting an eye?
I do plenty of things on my own, every day. i get by. However, I do not wish to go to a restaurant or a movie theater or a concert, alone. It was "cool" for a little while -- and then it gets really, really old. These are experiences that I prefer to share & discuss with someone -- ever come out from a movie & want someone to discuss it with? how about a concert? . . .
And that is loneliness. I agree, I would rather be alone than with someone for the wrong reasons. However, loneliness is a feeling. It is a state of being. Maybe not for you. But please do not include me in your "We."
I was raised being told my experiences were invalid, my emotions trivialized and minimized. So I would appreciate it if they are not trivialized here, too. Thanks.