I am sorry you are suffering from these losses. It sounds like maybe your daughter is also suffering and it must tear your heart out to watch her do this in your own house. Substance abuse or addiction is very very hard to watch our loved ones go through. You have done this so much you know the routine your daughter goes through. You suffer as much as she suffers, and of course you feel angry. This is about your healing journey, your learning to not take their stress and unhappiness as your stress and unhappiness. Yes, I may sound mean but I don't want to sound mean. Al Anon teaches us to detach with love from the substance abuse. It is about you seeking a lifeline for yourself so you don't drown with them. I found Al Anon very helpful to me in learning to see a different perspective of life with my substance abuser. There were parents there with both alcoholic children or drug user children. There are also other support groups for specifically drug users family or loved ones.

The pain of the end of life suffering is meant to be reduced so their end is better. This is what hospice is about. Its sad he had to worry about addiction at the end of life. My mom refused pain meds when she had cancer and was dying and on hospice and frankly, I thought this was terrible choice she made. She suffered so much longer and more without pain meds. She was crabby and mean - not her natural nature. So I think your daughter's substance abuse is totally different than the legal prescribed end of life reducing of suffering that your son went through. I wish someone would have told him to stop worrying and just relax and be okay with pain reduction. I say this as a person who has worked in hospice care and had loved ones go through hospice care to a good death. I also say this as a chronic pain sufferer who is going to the doctor tomorrow regarding my pain. I wish you the very best, I know your suffering is because you are a loving and good parent.

I feel for you. I’ve been through this with my daughter as well and it’s heart breaking. She’s been on the methadone program for a few years and, while it keeps her off the street drugs it’s continuing
the addiction.
The last time she spent a month in rehab and went to a sober living house. She did well there but lost her room because of BF and curfew.
Most of us think and act in a loop and when you’re an addict this loop breaks down all sense of self esteem and security. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts and is very hard to redirect.
Best of luck.

I too feel for you. When my daughter was much younger I had this same scenario, except she hid the withdrawals from me. She had my 3-month-old granddaughter that she left with me, and after two times of her being gone for days at a time and coming home to sleep for two days, I told her I knew she was doing meth (of course she denied it) and I told her to not come back and leave my granddaughter with me until she could decide to be a mom. If she came home, she was not welcome until she was clean. It took a while; eventually, she got her act together and has not used since then. Boundaries are what I found important or they will continue to do the same thing. Hugs

Hey Debbip, prayers for you and your daughter, your family at large. I lost my brother to cancer about 3 years ago. He endured a lot of pain to stay with us longer. He took a lot of med's to facilitate that. I'm sorry your son was burdened with that worry too, but he never had anything to apologize for taking the meds. It's just a horrible situation with crappy instructions for how to get though it (talking about your son mind you). I'm focusing on your son with this post to encourage you to continue to grieve your loss and try and keep the grieving separate from helping your daughter beat her addiction. This may be a bridge too far, but perhaps your daughter would do well to engage her own grieving if the substances are how she's coping.
Again, prayers friend.

I am really sorry you are going through this. Have you had a direct, heart to heart talk with her? By this, I mean to tell her exactly how you feel. Express your concern to her and the fact that you feel like she is betraying the memory of your son. I think this situation deserves the most direct conversations. The second thing could be to tell her directly that she needs to leave this boyfriend. It is obviously a bad situation there, regardless of who is at fault. I will say a prayer for you and your daughter. I hope you can find some answers and a good resolution.