Koolman, It's human ego. It's human value that we 'try' to put on ourselves. A world where lonely people latch on to each other anonymously is like a world of apes!

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Girl, you said that so well and so nicely that it touches me.

I often mistakenly say things in mean or harsh ways so I could learn from your style.

We must not act or live like apes.

For some reason many of us men see things like apes and it is the human females that expect us to raise our values.

"Koolman" I totally agree with you - and it just can not be that way.

So then it's all about being the "winner" not the "loser", eh? In order for somebody to win, somebody has to lose.

We do have a messed up society where everything is in competition and the only way to win is by creating losers.

The USA is voting for a President so one candidate wins and the other does not.

I do not like it myself and I try to change that in my little world but I do not know how to do it.

And I even go to several singles groups where it is seen as "winning" if a person finds a mate and a loss if the mates are sour.

So everyone judges each other by our amount of money and our cars, age, looks, clothing and etc., etc.

In a Bar or Club people often go to those places just because it is lonely at home.

I have even gone to AA and Al-Anon meetings just be with others.

I do believe that your original post makes it sound like "getting together" means "really getting together" and that is why it was seen as ape like.

I have female friends but I want more of a relationship then "friends" so I fit in the "ape" catagory some times, but then the ladies will put a stop to that.

Funny EmeraldEyes: You're saying that people have to attach a label to themselves and each other before they hook up? Boy, for me, anonymity has indeed been the name of the game. I live in a world of apes. Perhaps I'm hanging with the wrong crowd LOL.

Then shame on you Koolman!
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Great question koolman!

I wonder what in you prompted you to ask the question.

I believe that the reason for being lonely is the critical factor. It appears that many people are lonely because they're not taking good care of themselves. When we take care of ourselves and give of ourselves, the source of loneliness is usually taken out of the equation.

When we're no longer able to be lonely, we won't be lonely.

"Lonely" is one of our normal and natural feelings.

It is not a dysfunction to feel lonely, and it is normal for people to resit the feeling by trying to find a companion or a mate.

Some times we feel lonely for no reason or justification at all - because it is just a feeling.

Some people like to be alone so when they are alone they are not really being lonely.

When I stopped drinking and stopped going to bar rooms and then broke my family's codependent ties and then I found myself quite alone and even alienated.

Being lonely is not because we do not take care of our selves.

Interesting, outofnothing. Well, for me, no matter how good care I take of myself, I still get lonely. Part of me is a social creature. A great deal of pleasure in connecting with others.

Take that away, and there are only so many self-help books I can read, and proper rest, exercise and diet I can do...the gap still remains and I get bored. We need each other to shake ourselves up a bit!!!

"It is not hard to understand why people try to control others. They believe that their worth is dependent on other people and circumstances. This is a false belief as evidenced by the fact that the most insecure people you will ever meet are manipulators and controllers of others. But people who are secure in their identity in Christ don't need to control others. Their goal is to be the leader, spouse, parent or employee that God wants them to be because nothing can keep them from being what God wants them to be but themselves."

Bringing God into it: Did God say "create yourself in a vacuum"? No. But I see your point. Christ wants us to relax in Him.

Yeah, I'll be glad when I can make it to that point.

i LOVE this column! it starts out with an extremely profound concept that strikes at the root of many relationships, but in reality it should not exist at all: power struggles; then winds up on a spiritual note about forgetting about all those - dare i say "morons" (i guess i can since we are not saying any names) who see everything as either lose/win or win/lose and can't seem to remember that there is room for all of us here - and relaxing in God. whow! powerful... i love it! koolman, what u suggested is what i try 2 achieve in all my relationships: relaxing and enjoying ourselves, each other, and God... just being in the moment and forgetting about who's right and who's wrong... just being... that's what i strive for.... hugs, IMA

Thanks. I don't want to "control" or "manipulate" anyone (unless she wants me to in our sexual games), but merely want to love and appreciate someone. If she finds more happiness elsewhere, would it hurt to lose her? Yes. But I'd let her go. A butterfly must be left to flutter free or it dies.

I can hardly believe you posted that.

Going back to the ape and to the ape man.