Its a weird feeling. Last week my therapy session was intense.. Childhood was focus. It felt like my therapist was putting me in a corner for me to talk about my childhood, facts that i didn't want to talk about the trauma that i have ignored all my life... WOW
I was amazed what was the outcome of that session. I have noticed that i repeated the whole cycle of my parents, with my EX in a smaller episode. My dad was emotionally unavailable and Mom kept expecting things ... My Mom ultimately suicide by burning herself and that i could never forgive or forget. I was aged 6 when she died but i remember every detail of my life with my family than. I could see clearly that i acquired the pattern of unhealthy partners from what i have seen. I also understood that my mother was codependent and father was an alcoholic. The last partner i chose was no different from my father. He was unavailable and i kept expecting of it and finally he got addicted to Drugs or was he already before .. Now It doesn't matter. My ex knowingly or unknowingly opened my eyes to Recovery and Self realization and i thank him for that.

My therapist said that Codependents go to an extreme of either killing themselves or killing others, scary but true i was just way to close to kill myself too, Life felt hopeless, but somewhere i had that fighting spirit. Thanks to recovery i am doing well. Slowly changing my behavior patterns.

This is the exercise my therapist recommended for me and thought will help others too.
Take a notebook split the notebook to Early childhood, late childhood, Adolescence, 20's, 30's and future. Write down every detail you remember from your past in the respective part and what you expect from future in future part. What this does is it clearly explains what patterns you acquired are unhealthy what needs to be changed and where its coming from. Hope this helps.