Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
we all do things for a reason. trying to figure out why i am staying with someone that i dont like and resent so much. what purpose does it serve for me? does it give me someone to direct anger at, am i just scared, used to a relationship that i feel superior cause he is such a looser? again afraid i will change my mind if we break up and sell the house and drive by it and cry at what i had that i dont really have now and dont seem willing to work on. thought we could co habitiate but not working. feel used and trapped. why cant i move on and just say yeah if i make a mistake then i just did and deal with it and be happy. it is not fair to him either to resent him so much and must affect his self esteem. or maybe he is hanging on cause it is easy and he could not have a place like this alone. as i print ths i fear that i will not do anything. sometimes i think if he would just die! how crazy is that. any advice. sick and tired and worn out from holdiays and seem to be more stressed out then. he watches old game shows while i work. takes naps cause he cant sleep good. does stuff around here, but on his schedule. he is teary eyed alot and i am angry and on edge. this just sucks. any advice?
I remember when you guys did separate, you were struggling pretty badly but in a different way. I think that it comes down to how you feel about yourself. He moved out and then you had to deal with yourself and your own issues, but you still kept getting distracted by him and how badly he was doing after the break up. You were assuming that you were feeling like shit because you missed him- I think you were feeling like shit at that time because you were grieving for the end of a relationship, which is natural, and yes, I am sure you missed the way things used to be with him, but also because you weren't comfortable with yourself and being with yourself, and you were doubting yourself, doubting what your instincts were telling you (believe me, I have been there too!).
I really think that you both have some important stuff to sort out separately. He might be willing to work on himself, he might not but that is not a decision you can make, he needs to make that decision himself. But I do believe that you need to work on how you feel about yourself, regardless of whether you stay with him or not. I really think a lot of it comes down to trusting yourself, caring about yourself, learning to give yourself all the things that you want from him (things that he isn't really capable of giving to you). I know a few little paragraphs like this is simplifying things in a major way and it is so easy to say, but you need to work on loving yourself, unconditionally loving yourself. Sometimes, we expect other people to fill the void within us that we need to learn how to fill ourselves. I know this is no simple task, it is what I am working on myself at the moment and it is feeling like a massive task but I do believe these are the things that have been missing from my life. For a long time, I have felt that it was just 'the right person' that was missing from my life, but really what has been missing is that I have never loved, trusted, respected, appreciated myself. I am starting simply, but now is the time for me :)
I remember you were seeing a counsellor a little while ago, are you still doing that? I think this is such a hard task and is too epic to take on without the help and guidance of a counsellor/ therapist, someone that you can trust. Anyway, these are just my observations and thoughts from the snippets you have posted, and yes, where I am at myself right now is very much inflencing what I have written, so take anything that you might find useful and leave the rest! You will get there, you ARE getting there, and to steal a quote from you, "it is all part of the process, my dear" :)