There is a term called enmeshment and sometimes the family members are so enmeshed that for one to break free feels like their arm is missing. This is why they fight so hard to stay in control of others or stay within the enmeshment. They want their arm back! It is also what they know and what they are comfortable with at this time. You have been learning a new way of life and this is scary to them. If you leave the enmeshment circle, they think it is scary. So people tend to push hard or pull hard to get the "escapee" back. I really found The New Codependency helpful for me in seeing the reasons I went along with the enmeshment and where my thinking was at and how to fix what I wanted to fix. I had to do a lot of thinking and learning and growing. I had to make my goal that I would become healthier in all ways, thinking and physically and doing relationships. If you think you want different, I would say educate yourself and when you feel you have a good handle on knowing yourself, then make a plan on paper to achieve what you want to achieve. Then you will feel confident in doing so because you understand what you need to live a satisfying life of your choosing.

I have the book The New Codependency and am just going to start reading it. Your explanation of enmeshemnt sounds very familiar to what Iam going threw thank you

AHHH my aunt just told me that she doesnt want me moving till after she is dead.... Yet knows I need to live my life for me and make me happy..... Makes no sense

There is nothing wrong with taking care of your elderly Aunt and living there with her, and if you make boundaries on your self then you can heal and prosper and live your own life and be happy without moving away.

The codependency is only inside your self just like healing is only in your self, and as you heal your self then the family dysfunctions heal at the same time.

In fact moving away from the dysfunctions make so it is very hard to heal the issues because then it is only after effects.

I like referencing TV shows as like "Roseanne" and "Seinfeld" where each person has their own boundaries secure, and yes it is all a TV script but the point remains that they do fight and argue and say hurtful things and yet they makeup and move on which is what healthy relationships really mean.

Nothing needs to be perfect or ideal - just functional.

I dontlive with my Aunt I live with my Mom and not in the way that I live with my Mom and I am living at home. I live in a house that she owns and pay my own way she is just here part of the time for work. I also know that people fight in healthy relationships. What make the relationships I am talking about not healthy is that my family think that they can control how I live my life. Its not what you would say is of a typical family. I never watched Roseanne or Seinfeld. I get that not everything needs to be perfect or ideal. Life is messy and nothing is perfect. Codependency is not only inmyself it is in the relationships with everyone I am involved with. No matter what relationship you are in there is a form of codependency but there is a limit that is healthy and it starts to turn to unhealthy.
If I am uncomfortable talking about my finances with my family they can respect that I have set the boundary that I am not discussing it with them. If they cannot respect that boundary then there are in a way consequences. and that is what my family does is I say I do not want to talk about my finances with them and instead of being respectful they get mad and upset and say hurtful things to me. That is not a healthy relationship. They can voice their discomfort with me not wanting to talk about it once or twice but when they keep coming at me about it in the expectation that I am going to cave and do what they want even tho i am uncomfortable with it is not ok.

I would definitely say stick with therapy or some support group . I feel for you , your family sound unhealthy and enmeshed It comes down to Boundaries, building yourself up if that means moving out so be it ,

The more involved you are the harder it is to see out of the box ,

None of this is easy when sick , toxic , dysfunctional behaviours and beliefs have been passed as the norm and your trauma bonded with your family.