Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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What should I do

godisawesom
godisawesom

I have been in a relationship with this guy for 5 years the last 2 years he has been having a drinking problem he does not drink really heavy but when he does he will drink one two many the last 2 weeks he has been in AA meeting which I think has been going well for him going to work on time good attitude things had made a tremendous change now all of a sudden out of the blue he wants to take a drink and wow I thought it was all over with and I don't like that he was going to do so much better but now i do not know if i should put him out or continue dealing with this problem because I just can't deal with it no more I put him out once before and that leaded him to going to the AA meetings but he just not sticking with it in I don't want him to get into this group because of me I want him to do it for himself ihave to feel comfortable  because he want to do it I can't continuous let it hurt me  what should I do

mirandac
mirandac
What the suggestion i have heard when one is in AA the other spouse should be in alanon.

They do not promote leaving just attend meetings for 6 to 12 months before making any big decisions. So maybe with changed behaviors things will improve.

Plus you get stronger and healthier to make better decisions just for you.

You are not married so do whats best for you. There are no easy answers, hugs
godisawesom
godisawesom
Thankyou
mirandac
mirandac
Therapy helps a lot too having one on one help support and guidance. Hugs
mirandac
mirandac
Best thing we can do for ourselves is
To work on our own issues and heal us.
Even if they are not any longer With us. Staying single does help with
Doing the hard work that is needed And
The self focusing.

Many of us come from the same stuff.
We have issues all of our own and get
Sicker when in an addiction relationship.

My ex was dry the whole Time but it
still had the same dynamics In so many
ways. I hope and pray if he ever had
Started to drink again i would have left.

We do not find these people by accident
As most like to believe. As a codependent
We tend to find addicts/narcs and emotionally
Unavailable people until we heal that part of
Ourselves, HUGS
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Hey GIA, welcome aboard this lifeboat. I think you are likely correct in his going to AA just to appease you. He needs to work the steps with a sponsor to change. Meetings do not give recovery; the 12 steps are where the recovery comes from. Things we learn via AlAnon is how to get and maintain boundaries. A beginning one you already learned; if drinking you are out; return is contingent on 3-6 months of working the steps and no alcohol. You will do the 12 steps in AlAnon with the sponsor of your choice. Once you do them, it will be easy to see if he is also doing so. Periodic or episodic alcoholics don't drink daily. The problem is that when they drink, they drink too much. Over time, they usually add more days. Sometimes called functional alcoholics as they leave it alone for the work week. Comforting hugs on your journey.
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