Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi All,
I'm really building up my boundaries against my narcissistic girlfriend. We had a very tough quarrel the other day which I considered success on my behalf as I held my ground and didn't back off. She tried other tricks, manipulations yesterday but I didn't walk into the trap, again.
Then, at home, late evening she said she wants to talk to me. She apologized for acting the way she had done. She said she didn't want to hurt me, that is the last thing she would want. And it's not my fault and she is the rubbish, not me. This is literally what she said.
I had several thoughts and feelings coming up rapidly:
1. I was shocked and surprised. I didn't expect she would ever be able to say anything like that. And I really admired her for a second as I knew how difficult it must have been for her, a narc, to say such a thing.
2. YES YES YES!!!! I ALWAYS KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU! You are the rubbish, not me! I felt happy and proud of myself. I felt like I've won a war!
3. I was curious. What could have it been that made her say that? What had she been thinking? What was the trigger? What was her thought process?
4. I was doubtful and suspicious. Is she really feeling that way or is it just another narcissistic trick? Maybe she means it now but she won't feel this way tomorrow or next week.
5. I got scared. As I've got commitment problems, the possibility of her changing and me accepting the change is really scary. I've been working on preparing myself for breaking up with her. If she changes what will be my reason (excuse) for breaking up? There is still a lot for me to work on. This commitment phobia is really a crap thing. I'm terrified of getting married, having children and living in a family again.
I'd like to get your opinions on No4. Do you think she really meant it? Can a narc ever mean such a thing? As our quarrels come about weekly, I guess I will find it out soon.
Peace
I'm really building up my boundaries against my narcissistic girlfriend. We had a very tough quarrel the other day which I considered success on my behalf as I held my ground and didn't back off. She tried other tricks, manipulations yesterday but I didn't walk into the trap, again.
Then, at home, late evening she said she wants to talk to me. She apologized for acting the way she had done. She said she didn't want to hurt me, that is the last thing she would want. And it's not my fault and she is the rubbish, not me. This is literally what she said.
I had several thoughts and feelings coming up rapidly:
1. I was shocked and surprised. I didn't expect she would ever be able to say anything like that. And I really admired her for a second as I knew how difficult it must have been for her, a narc, to say such a thing.
2. YES YES YES!!!! I ALWAYS KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU! You are the rubbish, not me! I felt happy and proud of myself. I felt like I've won a war!
3. I was curious. What could have it been that made her say that? What had she been thinking? What was the trigger? What was her thought process?
4. I was doubtful and suspicious. Is she really feeling that way or is it just another narcissistic trick? Maybe she means it now but she won't feel this way tomorrow or next week.
5. I got scared. As I've got commitment problems, the possibility of her changing and me accepting the change is really scary. I've been working on preparing myself for breaking up with her. If she changes what will be my reason (excuse) for breaking up? There is still a lot for me to work on. This commitment phobia is really a crap thing. I'm terrified of getting married, having children and living in a family again.
I'd like to get your opinions on No4. Do you think she really meant it? Can a narc ever mean such a thing? As our quarrels come about weekly, I guess I will find it out soon.
Peace
That being said ur thoughts are still focused on what other persons motives are which is nothing but codependency.. what is your motive ?
Hugs to you.