If you can go back and read your posts from the time you started a couple of months ago, and how you felt then and how you feel now...not your relationship, Just You.

Think about the fear you felt in the past to open your mouth, speak your mind, then doing exactly that the other night...how did you feel after that?

In my book, I'm hoping by moving past your fear, doing it anyway, taking your need for answers and boundaries as self care to find the answers you needed for your """Now in Today""" and """Your future being created '''by you''' for your peace of mind"""

You did this for You,
You were Not People Pleasing
How did you feel at the end of the conversation?

Was there a deep breath? a pat on your back and a sigh of relief?

I make the choice, For "Me" when I'm focused on my own mental and physical health, I have more energy, and more to give/do.

Those actions and feelings are Serenity (for me) when I give myself the gift of time, self care, and finding purpose and meaning for my greater good during the day....with gratitude, passing on what I can do to help others, and live with hope for tomorrow.

No fear!

Hey Bob, no fear is a great answer! As someone who has experienced extreme anxiety for all her life, a life of no fear does sound heavenly! It will definitely be a goal of mine.

Mrlo, you darling, I did some meditation and notes based on what you wrote. I went back to my old posts and the difference in being able to speak really got to me. You wrote: “You did this for You,
You were Not People Pleasing
How did you feel at the end of the conversation?

Was there a deep breath? a pat on your back and a sigh of relief?“

Yes there was a deep breath and a great sense of relief and a flicker of hope. You’re right I didn’t have that conversation for people pleasing. It was for myself and I’m glad I did that.

I made a T chart to compare chaos and serenity to really help me and did some meditation and the idea of a lighthouse in a storm came to mind. Serenity became that lighthouse to me, solid, its light always shining, always calm and quiet and lighted inside while the storm is raging out. I used to try to be that lighthouse for others, suppressing my emotions and never showing how upset I was so I could be their rock whenever they need me. Now I realize I need to be that lighthouse for myself, which means no more suppressing my feelings. Like you said, it’s about giving myself time, self-care, purpose and meaning. Hopefully by doing that, I can make myself the rock solid lighthouse that can weather what storm life throws at me.

Love your share, hugs and Merry
Christmas

Thank you for your wonderful post, I too took "your" light house story of serenity and this is what I came up with "how hope and serenity can be a Visual Of A Lighthouse...a beam of light, a beacon of guidance towards safety..Hope..."

I've had many storms over the last 5 years, there really is no way to process grief 'in it's time' and there is no time boundary. This too is relevant as I move into 2020...to be gentle, yet firmer with myself to avoid the traps of codependent behaviors with others, my son, and specifically Me. The sickness of people pleasing and the effect on my mental and physical health, have in the past been my undoing....I wouldn't change the relationships...no way, I'd just be more aware of my own health.

I do hope as your choices and decisions become more clear, you too will find ways to strengthen your mental and physical wellness. For me, prior to Alanon and even with Alanon, there have been stages of questioning my behaviors and thoughts...did I do the right thing? Should I have done that? What will be the outcome, my future?

Slowly those answers will come when I'm ready to hear the message, or people come into my life to help teach me what I need to know to grow stronger and to move my life into a direction of purpose and meaning.

Merry Christmas...I am So Hoping your screen name will change with the arrival of 2020...the pain in your head is less chronic :)

Great posts, above; thank you. As is often the case for me on this website...I usually read just from the depression and alcoholism groups... I bump into message strands by accident. I have not spent much time asking myself what serenity actually looks like. But for me, today, I think I have at least some serenity whenever the committee in my head...the buzzards or gerbils or whatever one chooses to call them...are quiet, when they are not chirping or screaming at me. Merry Christmas, and a more serene New Year 2020 to us all.

Aw I’m glad my post resonated with so many people. Risober snd mirandac I hope the holidays have been kind to you.

Mrlo, I love how you how you came up with “hope and serenity can be a Visual Of A Lighthouse.” I know what you mean about going through storms. I’m sure you’ve been through your share of them in the past 5 years. I actually started drawing lighthouses in my journal with storms around it. It looks like a toddler drew it but that’s okay. I write words in my lighthouse like “love, light, calm,” to remind myself what I want to be for the day and out in the storms I write down the stuff that happened throughout the day that I felt were “stormy.” Things get added as the day goes on. It’s been helping me keep the visual of trying to find serenity throughout the days. Now that I think I about it, I’m going to add “be honest with myself” in the lighthouse. Also “gentle, but firm.” I love that you mentioned being more gentle but firm with yourself in 2020. That’s definitely something I want to work towards. I think if I could find that balance, i’ll Be well in my to serenity. Nice, I got more words to add to the lighthouse.

LOL, yes I should probably change my username. Somedays I do feel like I’ve been put through the meat grinder but for the most part, I am feeling more peaceful. Merry belated Christmas to you too. I hope the holidays are kind to you and yours. Hugs.