I agree that a passive que sera, sera (whatever will be, will be) approach is not true happiness. It is resignation.

I also have problems accepting the Buddhist version of non-attachment as the path to happiness. If we don't feel attached, why love or get married at all?

As a former co-dependent, I think happiness is loving someone without totally losing oneself. Love should be somewhere BETWEEN non-attachment and co-dependency.

Holborn i wish I could give you the answer to what happiness feels like but its been so long of being unhappy that I dont even know myself but when I do find the answer I will let you know i do hope it comes soon.

If you figure it out, please let me know!!

Since I've discovered that I am codependent I have found myself feeling so alone, bored, and un-content with life. It's like everything I thought about myself is a lie and nothing makes me feel satisfied.

I do find happiness in my children; their laughter, their accomplishments, their hugs.. etc.

In my relationship I've discovered letting go of the need to control and non-stop worrying has just open a can of heartache, let down, and loneliness.

I do, however, believe that happiness comes from within!! I believe when I find happiness in myself is when I will be able to be truly happy with someone else.

Firefairy I feel the same as you so you are not alone.

Happiness for me is when my mind is free of anxious, fearful and rubbish thoughts. The best is if I don't have any kind of thoughts but I very rearly have such moments. I lear meditation but because I only started a couple of weeks ago there is still a long way to go. I can only do 10 mins at a time.
This feeling is so beautiful that I can't describe it by words. It's like all the pain and burden has left my body and I'm almost just floating. Perhaps this video can give you an idea.
http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight

There are so many things in life that can make you happy- a flower, the wind, etc...

I think what makes me "happy" is when my state of mind is such that I am able to enjoy all that life has to offer.

How you can control that is by working on the variables that are in your power and learn how to react appropriately to those that are not.

Happiness is not something that happens to us; it's something we need to claim for ourselves!

I think that happiness feels different for each person. I have been trying to find my happy spot again for awhile and I think being codependent sometimes makes it hard for me because I am giving and worrying about everyone else that when it comes time for me I start to feel like it all has been sucked out of me. I am working on this very hard to realize when I am doing this now so that I can find ME again. Good Luck and stray strong all.

Happiness for me is having nobody in my life who has antisocial personality traits. I have been severely abused by such individuals, one of them my Mom.. I have severred communication with them and do not miss them. I just have to work through all these nasty emotions that come at times and are easily triggerred.. As for the rest, I'm in low rental housing allowing me to make purchases for needs that would be otherwise impossible. My rent is paid monthly and I have a roof over my head and am able to keep me fed well enough. Being able to meet such needs means everything to me. Now I want to change how I do things and change my values. I'm not happy with former values. Having my own life is happiness for me..

Your question makes me think. I have been super happy and wonder if it came from within me or was it due to my partner. I have always been in a relationship and now that I am not, and sad it makes me wonder if the happiness I feel came from them.

Happiness was when I could freely obsess that we were in love and the dream would be real and we would be together for the rest of our lives. Knowing now that I have to fix me before I could even consider taking her on (if that were even possible - I mean, can an alcoholic be a social drinker? if not, can a codependent have a loving, intimate relationship with an unaware NPD?), I realize the dream is dead and I don't know when I'll feel anything again. Much of my life I have felt unsatisfied, and although there was always the next thing to do, I never really had long term direction or any real place to go. For years I have found that I really don't care if I live or die - I just don't see it making any difference to me or anyone else. I threw away the best thing I ever had because it wasn't enough (and it wasn't "her") and I will never get back to that place or anything like it.

How do I learn self care when I don't care what happens to me? How do I find happiness when nothing matters to me?

I just keep doing what I have to do and waiting for anything to happen. Too old and too tired to change the world now. Too hurt and too devastated to try.

Happiness is when you can lose yourself in a moment and feel the pure joy of the situation, it is being so content with yourself and your situation that you can just revel in the beautiful experiences that hopefully will arise.