It's kinda funny we all eventually have to grow up or get out. Are you afraid of him? It's gonna take a good therapist to get you where you need to be to do what you need to do with him. Prayer and Love to you electric2

HI electric. NO is a very loving word. We need to allow our children their own experiences to make it in the world. Sadly, by not doing so, we hurt the, and we hurt ourselves. Nothing changes when nothing changes and so many of us have said one thing and done another.

There is a saying which surely applied to me at one time in my life. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." We need to begin somewhere. May I suggest the book Codependent No more. This book is remarkable and it really helps us to understand why we do the things that we do, and how to make healthy changes.

We really do teach people how to treat us. I am not being harsh, as this is something that I too, had to learn. As long as your son can manipulate you to get what he wants, he will never seek change. As you set healthy boundaries for yourself, you will begin to feel better. We are not helping anyone by enabling them to live a life that is not productive and we are not helping anyone to allow them to be dependent on us. The cost is very high, financially, emotionally and mentally.

It is never too late for a fresh start. Your son, like so many will not like change. But we all don't like things initially that are in fact GOOD for us.

You are doing yourself BOTH a favor, when you decide to take care of you. Living by example is a wonderful thing.

I wish you well, and we are here for you. Too many of us have given over our lives for other people, in the name of wanting to be loved, or liked, accepted and understood. I had it all backwards.

We detach from others lives with love. Eventually they get it OR not, but regardless of how they respond, we must take care of ourselves.
EllaBlue

hi electric...reading this this morning has given me some strength with my own 'son issues' this morning.

You are not in any way required to support a grown man..even if he is your child.

Get some help..meetings, books..this site..and the strength will come to do what you need to do.

I just went with this with my mom a year ago. My father died in 04 and my brother who is now 32 lived with them, he could never keep a job worked just enough to buy alcohol. He was very abusive verbally. My mother lost her house when my dad died his was the only income. My mother took my brother from apartment to apartment and I hardly ever visited or helped because he would become abusive to me. i told her if she wanted my help than he would have to go. She finally realized with fast eviction notices (my brothers behaviors) that it was time to start living on her own. I got her an apartment and she told him that she was moving in a place for seniors only. She is very happy and also has extra money to buy nice things for herself. My advice is this...only you can make the decision to let go of a boy who desperately needs to become a man who is responsible for his own life.
My brother was on the streets for a few days it never killed him..it made him very resourceful!
God Bless You

This scares me because unless I make definate changes now I may be writing this very post in my future years...

Why does he make you feel guilty? That is why you give in isn't it? I know that is why I cave and keep giving when I'm bone dry financially, emotionally and mentally -- it is guilt. I never have anything real to feel that way, but I do it. Why do you?

children begin the world as the center of their universe. rightly so. but as they grow and learn to differentiate choices and consequences, if we make them for them or prevent them from sitting with the results, we do them a disservice.
we feel guilty because we love our children and want to alleviate their suffering. but in doing so, we enable them to be selfish irresponsible adults.
it sucks.
i remember my old crusty pediatrician telling me "this 'parenting' stuff is a bunch of bullshit. you raise kids. you don't parent them. and you are the boss."
i agree completely. he laughs at all these "parenting magazines".
"get a life" he told me. they need to learn that others exist and they have needs and sometimes those needs come first.
not to be hateful or mean to them but i guess, now that i think about it,
setting boundaries!!!!!
bless you dear.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))