Yes, and when one has worked as hard as you have in so many different areas of your life, the emotional and physical will catch up with you. Are you just tired to the bones? Perhaps your soul is wanting to just sit and 'think' and not do, what, tell, change.

Sitting quietly in truth is one of the Hardest things one can do when hurting, we want the hurt to be gone.

I have hit many lulls, you need to
Be okay in it and just let it be. No
One likes emotional pain thats
why They stay in denial its easier
And less painful than getting honest.

There is a lot of fear usually going
on too in early recovery. Fear of
Change and loss of our relationship.

There is nothing wrong with Slow
growth. I personally believe Thats
the way to go. I am against Speed
stepping and Going full throttle
Ahead that leaves Us with thinking
we have all the answers. We did not
get like We are overnight. There can
be a lot of grief happening too.

You have to feel Your recovery on a
deeper Level and work thru It all.
Hopefully with your HP holding your
hand. I had tons of Knowledge in my
head i did not Feel it deep inside of
me. My Heart And head didn’t talk
the same Language to do with my
Ex.

Keep attending Your meetings, they
Say go to more Mtgs if you need them,
Read your literature, Call a program
friend or A sponsor, Journal, make your
gratitude and Asset list, pray, be out in
nature, do something good for yourself.

A lot of recovery is building up our self
Esteem as we do the work and trying to
replace The bad with the good. Its not
an easy Transition to make.

You are in a hard spot in your relationship.
I hated limbo land it was almost worse
Being there than the separation. None
Of it was easy to emotionally deal with.
I had terrible rejection and abandonment
Issues and they were being triggered all
The time. I still struggle with abandonment.

Glad you wrote that a good thing to do too,
Hugs

We don’t always have to be doing recovery work 24/7 . Sometimes it’s good to sit In Your feelings with yourself And not always intellectualising behaviour and emotions and talking about recovery maybe don’t journal daily give yourself a break .

We all have negative feelings , hang around with people that accept you and love you as you are .

It seems like you have and are working really hard on getting better , a lot of people give up it’s something to be proud of .

You guys are the best!

mrlo, it's so good to hear from you. I've missed you! Yes, I think this is a case of I'm tired to the bones of always trying to feel better or do something to feel better. I've actually gotten to a point where I'm almost comfortable, even though I'm blue and resentful half the time (which is much better than being blue and resentful all the time.) I just want to stay here and be okay with being blue and resentful instead of always trying to fix it, if that makes sense. I like what you said about sitting quietly in the truth. I think until I feel like getting back up and striving again, I might just sit here and be.

mirandac, thank you as always for your kind words. I will continue to go the meetings. That may be the most I'll do until I feel inspired to write in the journal or talk to HP again. Being in limbo with the relationship does make things more complicated, and I feel like I should to be pushing for a resolution, because it's been on the back burner for months. The thing is, I actually got to a place where I'm kind of comfty. We have a routine, he's actually civil again, and while I'm not happy, I no longer feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore. I'm just not up for a confrontation yet, and just want to rest in this weird state for a while, which feels wrong. I feel like people are going to judge me for being weak for not throwing open the door and confronting him and demanding a resolution already. I want to trust that when the time is right, I'll know it, and I'll be able to do it.

salina, BIG HUGS, your words meant so much. Thank-you. Intellectualising is exactly the right word. I did have a ton of fun with it, and it helped immensely, but recently, opening my journal seemed like such a pain and trying to commune with a higher power just felt like too much work. There are stuff for me to work on, but I think you're right - it's good to sit in my feelings with myself. I think it's the expectations that's getting to me. I think just sitting with no expectations and just being would be good until I feel inspired to write and commune again. Maybe the universe would be happy just to sit quietly with me LOL.

Thanks guys. I feel better about not striving now.

Its your decision on your partner and
No one else’s. Alanon suggests waiting
6 months to a year to make any major
Changes. By then you should be stronger
in yourself and do Whats best for you.

Sometimes our changed Behaviors will
help the situation too. Often times life
will just unfold if we stop trying to force
solutions, hugs

*BIG HUGS* Thanks so much miranda! It's reassuring to hear that alanon suggest waiting 6 months to a year to make any major chances. I don't feel so weak and behind now. You have such a good point about how life will unfold if we stop trying to force solution. I'll trust that when the time comes, it will happen. You're the best!

Recovery empowers us and then we
Won’t Let others take our power away
again.

Using “i” statements Instead of you
statements. I think, i feel, i Want, i
need. Do Not make “you” made me
Statements. That took me awhile to
Stop being a doormat to keep the
Relationship going, Hugs

Everyone else said what I would have said, give your mind and body a rest once in a while. You have done so much, achieved and learned so much. Sometimes we just need to focus on gardening or exercise or reading fiction or biography books (rather than self help). Or cook up a storm, if that is what we like. You are not weak and you are not behind. I would say you are probably way ahead of what most people can embrace in their recovery or healing.

*BIG HUGS* thanks so much urbangardener. I know there are people who wonder why I haven’t kicked him to the curb yet and I often think, a strong woman wouldn’t put up with what I put up with, and then I just wonder what’s wrong with me.
Confession: I used to judge women who stayed with men that made them unhappy, thinking they were weak. Ha! So I just realized one reason I feel crappy for not forcing a resolution is that I don’t want to be a loser who can’t even meet her own standards, so I’ve been pressuring myself.

At least I’m getting a whallopping of humble pie. Man, is the universe giving me
good lessons on the perils of judging people recently! They are so needed :)

I was also afraid that if I don’t keep up the momentum I’ll get complacent and quit recovery work, but heh, I think I just realized right now that recovery can continue to happen during times when I don’t do work. I’ll still do it of course, but I get now that breaks and rests don’t stop recovery from happening. Seems to help it more actually

Early recovery was like that a lot for me.
I still had way too much to relearn And
my Heart did not feel it yet. Baby stepping
Is the answer.

Be gentle with yourself thats the best
Gift you can give you. The less you Judge
Others then you will ease up on yourself.

We are all perfectly imperfect. There are
Many of us that have walked the same
road. You are not alone, funny, weird or
much different, hugs