I almost dont recognize myself and am ashamed that I have let myself become so co-dependent on someone else and my reliance on them for my happiness is not healthy. It is harmful to myself and has ruined my self- esteem and has now made my boyfriend begin to resent me as well. 

I am struggling with codependency and anxiety.

Ever since I was little I would seek others approval or validation to feel good about myself, only when I try and get involved in a relationship do I find that it becomes unmanageable. I turn into this person I cant even recognize. I am constantly putting their needs before my own regardless of my feelings and then I end up resenting them for it. I have issues standing firm when I make a decision because I am worried about what the other person will think/feel before my own feelings. I wind up compromising and saying "it's ok" when it's not okay. I bend over backwards to do something i know someone will be happy with just to feel wanted and appreciated. I find myself being needy, clingy, and unreasonable in situations. I feel like i need constant reassuarance because I have abandoment issues. This is not who I am, its who I've become and I don't want to be like this anymore.

I will be attending my first codependency meeting tomorrow. I am really nervous and I just want to be free of this anxiety and pain because I feel like it has taken over and suffocated me. I just want to be content with myself and not have to rely on outside validation to be the basis of my happines. I want to be free of the unhealthy thought process I have created.

I just want to know that it does get better and it is manageable because i am feeling a bit hopeless at the moment :'(