When it comes to picking somebody to date or marry

I'm not sure what your question is, could you try to ask it in another way? Are you asking if you should date an unloving parent with a child, or if you should date the child of an unloving parent?

If the question is either of those, then please try to think of the person outside of that contextual box (an unloved child or unloving parent). Try to date them and if it doesn't work, it won't be only because of love shared between a parent and child, it will be because of a number of factors.

Sorry I am asking growing up with a unloving mother what impacts would have on somebody when they grew up and starting dating.

Oh, there can be many. It really depends on the individual. Growing up without receiving love can lead you to have very difficult problems accepting love from anyone else, especially a romantic partner. Growing up without love is like growing up without a sense of worth, and you've got to work on getting a very strong sense of worth before you can fully be in a relationship with anyone. If you love someone but subconsciously hate yourself, then eventually you will begin to hate this person for falling in love with the parts of yourself that you hate.

The good thing is, growing up without love doesn't mean that you have to struggle with these issues for an entire lifetime. At any time in our lives, we can decide to work hard to recognize what we can control around us (though it's even harder to recognize the things we have no control over at all) and then take steps to improve our situations. For me, this started with counseling and developed more through reading a lot of books about self-love, the best one being Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.

Good luck to you! The hurdles placed in front of us by our less-than-deal childhoods can be jumped over and even kicked down with enough self-love and compassion for ourselves.

I think growing up with unloving parents makes it very difficult to demonstrate love to others, it feels very alien to show love and you are constantly terrified of being embarrassed or rejected.

I think it is possible, it just takes a lot of self acceptance and work on your self. You can't love anyone when you hate yourself.

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I think you are 100% right Temple76

i thought my daughter would have relationship problems as she has watched my husband make me cry on a daily basis

she actually surprised me, she dumped a boyfriend as he reminded her of my husband and she didnt want that sort of treatment for herself

good for her, she knows her own mind, i am so proud as she could have gone the other way

hopefully that child had another carer who did show unconditional love, the psychologists say that as long as there is one person in yuor childhood that shows you unconditional love then you wont end up sociopathological, eg a grandman, grandpa, uncle, dad, teacher...

if yuor primary caregiver does not show you love then you will likely have concluded that you are unlovable and you will have a low self esteem (hard to identify since we often mask low self esteem from ourselves with statements such as "i dont care less what others think").

Growing up with an unloving parent might also cause you to continually pick partners who are emtionally unhealthy and who are unable to express/give you the love you need...becasue you are ttrying to "fix" what happened in the past. We try to win that love from them but it never works....and so it os important to see the past for what it was and accept that you are wounded and trying to fix your past in one way or another. Then, become emotionally healthy and find partners who are emotionally healthy where a healthy give and take is the basis of the relationship...not covert healing of wounds from childhood.

A different perspective mystery? There wasn't a lack of appearance of love in my home, but it was purely conditional (depended on good behavior). When mom was in a good mood, she was very loving and affectionate. When upset, irritated, angry, the smallest things urked her nerves and she spewed lots of emotional baggage onto us. This taught me that love comes from good behavior and not making someone angry. To this day I experience great shame and fear when I have to be real and honest with someone. Don't get me wrong. All children must abide by rules. Rules make sense. My mom's rules depended on her mood. Punishment also depended on her mood. Physically abusive, not to me. This was another inequality. I watched her pull my brother's hair, slap him, many things that would be considered abuse. He refused to behave according to her moods. I saw what he got. My dad let this all happen. I believe now that my mother is mentally off balance (not alot but still). She refuses medication. Christians don't need medication addictions, they need God. That's worked out GREAT for her (rollseyes).

The bad times weren't extremely often. But it was definitely enough to teach me that being me was a bad thing. As such I never developed a true sense of self.

As you can see, it's not just not being loved that can make it hard to have a real relationship. I sometimes wonder how much better my life would be with my wife if I could just be honest and true with her at all times. I've gotten better but I'm a long ways off. I'm having to learn (the hard way) that love is not all about physical affection. It's about open and honest communication of thoughts, feelings, etc. It's so tough because the only time i feel "love" is through physical connection. To be without it is to be without love.

In a sense, I had some of the most unloving parents one could have. They couldn't see past their own issues to ensure that I was being raised in a balanced and loving way. It was all either physical affection or abuse.

In their own misguided ways they loved us deeply I'm sure.