Hi,

You are not going crazy. I have a similar issue with two of my siblings - unreliable. And I would waste so much of my time waiting, calling, blah, blah. I just cut way back on my interaction with them. Sometimes I would be furious that I would be waiting around again for a call back that they would not make, for them to show up, etc..

The only way I could take care of myself, because I am NOT changing them, was to put up boundaries. I limit my interactions for family functions and that is it. My life is so much more peaceful. I am not frustrated by their behavior any more because I do not call, or make plans with them. I can't count on them, and they have shown this over and over, so I have stopped banging my head against the wall trying to figure out how to change it.

I guess in your case, I would text and say that as I have not heard back, I am assuming that we are not going and then move on with my own day. IMO, there is no need to sit around waiting for them to decide whether or not to answer. (Actually, I have done that so much for my sister and brother, that I will not any more. It is not worth all the frustration that I feel dealing with them and takes the fun out of it for me, if we do somehow get together.)

Shar

We do "lose" each other in the shuffle of chasing a buck. It happens. You're not alone!

I'll forever kick myself for not being there the last year of my brother's life on this planet 'cuz I was too busy chasing bucks, instead of really seeing that he was hurting, physically and emotionally, and in need of a little understanding.

I really regret responding to his line, when he was referring to his business partners, who seemed to be neglecting him and letting him do all the work in their failing trucking business, "All I want is a little cooperation here", to which I replied, because I too was stressed out, in my own situation, "Mark, I don't want to hear this!". I've apologized profusely, tearfully, to him on the other side, and I think he forgives me.

Trying now to be a little more others-oriented, and it's tough, because everyone else seems to be in their own struggle, pulling, selfishly, in their own direction, to survive, so we're all "using" each other for our own selfish game.

Also, texting is not the most effective mode of communication. Emotions can be read between the lines (or letters) in a text that aren't really there. Pick up the phone and call people! If they don't pick up the phone, that's on them, but at least you will have done your part!

Good morning,
Is there a moderator in these support groups? Are there professionals that come in and help us come to terms with our feelings and emotions?
Thanks
Dejanira

Hi Dejanira,

There are moderators (volunteers) but their function is to make sure that people are being appropriate, and not to intervene as professional therapists. I have occasionally seen a licensed person post, but mostly we are people struggling with similar experiences. The help comes from sharing, venting and relating to each other. The boards are supposed to help or supplement, but many of us also seek outside professional help.

Shar

Hi Again,

koolman, my experiences and perception with this issue are quite a bit different than what you are describing. I established boundaries because I was the one always waiting around for a return call, for a no-show, etc. with my siblings. It did not have anything to do with chasing a buck. My sister has the luxury of not needing to work.

It was just all about self-absorbed and a one-way street. As long as I was the one giving, it was all good. When I needed some emotional support, there was nothing available for me. I also did not realize how frustrating and one-sided the relationships were until I stepped out and back. Yes, I miss the communication a bit, I wish them well, but I do not miss the chaos. And when things are tough for me, I need to have some people who can listen, actually listen. I have found that elsewhere with my friends.

Shar