Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I’m officially going to an alanon meeting this coming Saturday so the spamming should stop then. Anyways today courage to change’s daily reading said to pick a step and work on it and at first I picked step 4 and made a moral inventory that could basically be summed up in three part: dishonesty, pride, and not enough trust. The not enough trust was the big one. I realize I freak out when I lose control because I don’t other people will get it right and I don’t trust that there will be other opportunities or that things will turn out okay. I’m really going to work on trusting so I get better at letting go and letting God.
... except I have painful religious upbringing and step 3 is triggering to me and then I realize maybe step 3 is what I should be concentrating on, which is making the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Okay, I have some issues. I grew up in a Christian church that was anti-gay and had me freaking out that I was going to hell if I made one “bad” thought and feeling like I couldn’t trust myself. Leaving religion felt like leaving an abusive relationship.
So this whole idea of turning my life and will to God? What, am I just supposed to have no say in my life? I understand wanting to control things is bad but what, I’m not suppose to want or plan for anything? I keep reading things in combatting codependency that says stuff like accepting the outcome god gives even if it’s different from what we planned or wanted. So, what, I should just wait until God tells me who to love and where to go and what to be and if I hate it, well shut up and be grateful? How is that different from my controlling mother who never cared for what or who I liked and expected me to live out her fantasies?
I’m having trouble understanding on one hand, overcoming codependency is supposed to be about getting in tune with our needs and desires. But we’re supposed to give up our will and lives to God which sounds like we should give up our needs and desires to him.
So are supposed to have wants and desires and needs or not?
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
For me, when I've got a huge problem or a little problem, sometimes when I'm quiet the answer comes, I call them my God Whispers. Trying to make decisions from my heart also helps the direction of my actions.
I'm always in transition, I still need to go slow, and learning about the Steps....one step forward and one step back is a continual process of my learning
I'm not quite sure what 'spamming' is, your posts are helping you and others who might come along and read them....just as sitting around a table in an Al-anon meeting we learn from each other's experiences..
Since then I discovered that I really need there to be a higher power because I can’t detach unless I can trust that there’s something else out there. I like what you said about God whispers. My atheist self has been hearing them lately. Omg what myself last year would think of me now!
I really appreciate what you said about spamming. I always have anxiety that I’m taking up too space or taking attention away from other people or making it too much about me. You’re right, we do learn from each other’s experience. And it is definitely helping me! :D
"A turning point in my recovery came when I realized that the third step is a step of action.
The third step (CoDA version) says: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. What I learned is that making a decision is not a passive process. I need to make the decision and then take action based on the decision. Turning my will and life over to God does not mean saying "You got it God. I'll hang out here and wait for you to tell me what to do."
Working the third step is all about taking action. Once I decide to try this new way of life in which I believe there is a Higher Power that Loves me - then I need to start taking action based on that belief. I need to align my will with the will of a Loving Universal Force. There is nothing wrong with will power, or self-will. It is self-will pointed in the wrong direction that is destructive. Once we admit powerlessness out of ego-self then we start accessing power out of Spiritual Self. Spiritual Self is the part of us that knows we are connected to everyone and everything.
I have to use my will power to get myself to meetings, to pray, to take inventory and be honest with myself, to ask for help, to not pick up the next drink, etc., etc. It takes an act of will on my part to get me in motion. Once energy is placed in motion then the Universe responds."