Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Sooooooo it seems, most people have trigger issues in their Co-Dependancy and the relationships with their spouse or their children or a family member and it is their constant, I have varying ones that seem to affect me in different ways.
I had mine with my "BFF'S", with men, and work. As a result I have swung to the other side of the pendulum from who I was and now have become drastically different.....haven't quite swung back to the middle......if one exists in the situations I find myself in. I can't really get fully clear on the details of how I have changed, other than to know I can feel it.......but at the same time the patterns of self defeating behavior rear their ugly heads.....it is like I know I am WAYYYY better in so many ways, but keeping up the drama stirring side of myself to hold myself back.....as if I am totally freaked out on being the best I can be....as if I don't deserve it....but I want it super duper bad, cause I know it will feel great.....what the heck is my problem!? Dang........so grody.
1) BFF's. I still find myself wanting to help and over extend myself to friends, and not speaking up entirely honestly and saying "no no its fine" and then somewhat wincing doing it, and in turn feeling bad about that....and then I think "pick your battles" as my internal voice of reason....is there a line with friends that you need to just accept a certain amount of who they are, and not get so over zealous with critiquing them to fit your mold? I mean, if someone did that to me i would be totally preterb'd and probably drop them like a hot rock.....I am who I am at the end of the day, and I do believe we are not all perfectly behaved at all times and an element of intent has to be considered, no??
2) Total internal shaming from a recent situation with a man that I have been with (this is SUPER DUPER sensitive for me to even discuss). Where I ended up really being frankly embarrassed was by how unbelievable it was that this person had this much control over me....it is literally at a chemical level and it absolutely terrifies me because I was so present in the entire situation, yet I defied myself and who I was, what's worse is I know it wasn't so bad, but even still I am hurting really bad from shame. The game he and I have been playing has now blown up in my face.........I don't want to get into details...just know I F'd with fire and totally got my face all blistery and blown up ;) So seriously lame. What in the world can a lady tell herself to not be attacking her self esteem. As a result of this blow to my self esteem, I have been doing a little overly splurgy spending which is now making me feel even worse....like I just double doubled my cheeseburger of ca ca......how can I unwind this? what do people do for self esteem boosters that are productive and gets you out of the self destructive vs. going broke?
3) Ever been at a job that just really messes with your emotion? Well I have been in this type of working environment for the last 10 years. I have been laid off at literally my last 4 jobs (initially from the Mortgage Industry....I was there for the 'big fall' but then it was from the Pharma industry-these industries totally and completely defy my integrity "they are a means to an end" only), as a result I am a bit like a dog who has been beat down when it comes to work.......so I wince easily at any discomfort or turmoil in the workplace....especially when it comes to people potentially losing their jobs....really makes a lady flip her marbles.....Thankfully right now it isn't me losing my job (potentially someone else) but at the client. It is just being in this energy space that ultimately screws with my mind and emotions, and then in turn affects my working efforts.....I literally lose interest in what I am doing and it isn't even me losing my job...but just knowing someone would and they are actually nailing the coffin on themselves, but I can't tell them.....uggh. So annoying. But I gotta get out of the dulldrums about work or I COULD lose my job just by being a lazy a**......Need some ideas on "Snap out of it already" wake me up kind of stuff....
As you can see #2 and #3 really can be a combo of problemos.......*sigh*. Late night hamster wheel moment.....thanks for letting me vent guys.....can't wait for some suggestions, I need 'em STAT HAHHAHA :)
Nite!
I had mine with my "BFF'S", with men, and work. As a result I have swung to the other side of the pendulum from who I was and now have become drastically different.....haven't quite swung back to the middle......if one exists in the situations I find myself in. I can't really get fully clear on the details of how I have changed, other than to know I can feel it.......but at the same time the patterns of self defeating behavior rear their ugly heads.....it is like I know I am WAYYYY better in so many ways, but keeping up the drama stirring side of myself to hold myself back.....as if I am totally freaked out on being the best I can be....as if I don't deserve it....but I want it super duper bad, cause I know it will feel great.....what the heck is my problem!? Dang........so grody.
1) BFF's. I still find myself wanting to help and over extend myself to friends, and not speaking up entirely honestly and saying "no no its fine" and then somewhat wincing doing it, and in turn feeling bad about that....and then I think "pick your battles" as my internal voice of reason....is there a line with friends that you need to just accept a certain amount of who they are, and not get so over zealous with critiquing them to fit your mold? I mean, if someone did that to me i would be totally preterb'd and probably drop them like a hot rock.....I am who I am at the end of the day, and I do believe we are not all perfectly behaved at all times and an element of intent has to be considered, no??
2) Total internal shaming from a recent situation with a man that I have been with (this is SUPER DUPER sensitive for me to even discuss). Where I ended up really being frankly embarrassed was by how unbelievable it was that this person had this much control over me....it is literally at a chemical level and it absolutely terrifies me because I was so present in the entire situation, yet I defied myself and who I was, what's worse is I know it wasn't so bad, but even still I am hurting really bad from shame. The game he and I have been playing has now blown up in my face.........I don't want to get into details...just know I F'd with fire and totally got my face all blistery and blown up ;) So seriously lame. What in the world can a lady tell herself to not be attacking her self esteem. As a result of this blow to my self esteem, I have been doing a little overly splurgy spending which is now making me feel even worse....like I just double doubled my cheeseburger of ca ca......how can I unwind this? what do people do for self esteem boosters that are productive and gets you out of the self destructive vs. going broke?
3) Ever been at a job that just really messes with your emotion? Well I have been in this type of working environment for the last 10 years. I have been laid off at literally my last 4 jobs (initially from the Mortgage Industry....I was there for the 'big fall' but then it was from the Pharma industry-these industries totally and completely defy my integrity "they are a means to an end" only), as a result I am a bit like a dog who has been beat down when it comes to work.......so I wince easily at any discomfort or turmoil in the workplace....especially when it comes to people potentially losing their jobs....really makes a lady flip her marbles.....Thankfully right now it isn't me losing my job (potentially someone else) but at the client. It is just being in this energy space that ultimately screws with my mind and emotions, and then in turn affects my working efforts.....I literally lose interest in what I am doing and it isn't even me losing my job...but just knowing someone would and they are actually nailing the coffin on themselves, but I can't tell them.....uggh. So annoying. But I gotta get out of the dulldrums about work or I COULD lose my job just by being a lazy a**......Need some ideas on "Snap out of it already" wake me up kind of stuff....
As you can see #2 and #3 really can be a combo of problemos.......*sigh*. Late night hamster wheel moment.....thanks for letting me vent guys.....can't wait for some suggestions, I need 'em STAT HAHHAHA :)
Nite!
1. I don't have many friends, and I constantly feel like I'm doing most of the work, so I feel self conscious that maybe I'm not getting the hint that they don't like me. So then, I get all low self esteemy and just want to hybernate. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Whatever.
2. I had quite the burn, too. In fact, I just splurged online and bought some jewelry. "I deserve this!" I said to myself, as I purchased almost more rings than I have fingers. Exaggeration, but hey, I WAS going to go to the mall for boots, but my size doesn't exist (monster runner's calves!) and I deny myself for so long, I'll binge. I guess I've got shopping bulimia.
3. You DO know my story, right? Harassed and bullied and discriminated against...
Suggestions? You and me find our own planet! : D
Well I have seemed to work through my feelings about friends....avoidance.
The guy...I have just decided I dodged a bullet with him, and thankfully this has reduced my spending :)
Work......starting school in October to make myself feel like I am taking some control in my destiny.
But I swear lady....you and I two peas in a pod!!
I need to remind myself all the time what I can and cannot control. If I can't control it, I need to stop creating anxiety about it. Easier said than done, but by just reminding myself about it, I'm going to try to hit the "Reset" button.
SM, huh? Expensive... I was told to check out Lane Bryant, too.
Deli.....I have had luck online with Steve Madden for pricing, granted when I buy boots I am looking for classics that will last a long time so I do spend a little extra. My intent with boots is to have them for years....so ya might be a little more expensive but I figure for good boots, why not!
Thanks for some replies ladies, this post was an older one so it is nice to at least share the moment.....even if it is just simply that, sharing that we are all in the same boat.....sure would be a lonely place roaming around in a boat without a paddle...so I am glad to have some buddies ;)