The following steps will help you to transform your People Pleaser Pattern into the Autonomy Pattern, which is the resolution for pleasing. These steps dont have to be performed in order.

Understand Your Behavior. Get clear on what form your pleasing behavior takes? What do you do and how do you communicate with people when you are being compliant or pleasing? Do you avoid speaking up? Do you always feel the same as someone? Do you get confused instead of angry? Do you always accept someone's perception of you? Do you give up your own needs to make them happy? Under what conditions or with what people are you compliant? With men or women? With authority figures? When your spouse is angry with you?

Understand Your Motivation. Through IFS, get to know the part of you that is pleasing. Explore the underlying motivation for your compliance. What are you trying to gain for yourself by being pleasing? Love, acceptance, closeness? What are you afraid would happen if you werent? Judgment, anger, abandonment? What painful feelings are you protecting against by pleasing people? Loneliness, shame, fear?

Heal Childhood Wounds. Going further in the IFS process, you get in touch with the childhood origins of your pleasing. This means accessing those young, vulnerable parts of yourself that were judged or yelled at, that were rejected or abandoned when you were a child. These parts need to express their feelings and tell their stories. Then they can be healed of the accumulated pain of the past. After that there is little need to be pleasing because there isnt much pain to defend against.

Awareness. Become aware of your People Pleasing behavior at the moment it is happening. This is a step beyond knowing in general how you act pleasing. One way to do this is to notice what you feel inside when you are being compliant. One person noticed that she had a mushy feeling inside when she was pleasing a man. This feeling is a clue you can use to become aware of People Pleasing when it is actually happening. Another way to work on awareness is to be especially alert when you are in a situation that triggers compliance in you. If you tend to be compliant with your husband when he is annoyed with you, then the next time this happens, watch to see if you become compliant with him.

When you notice compliance, be aware of what you are feeling at that moment. Do you feel afraid or needy? Notice what part of you is activated and what it wants or what it is afraid of. How do its feelings affect your actions. Being aware of your behavior and feelings in the moment gives you much more information about what is happening. It also gives you the opportunity to work with your part right then and there.

Work with the Pleaser Part. When you feel compliant, check in with your Pleaser to understand its fears in that moment. If the part's fears are unrealistic, reassure the part that the event it fears (such as being abandoned) won't really happen. Let the part know that you will be there for it if anything bad does happen. If it is trying to get love or approval, figure out ways to accomplish this that don't involve giving yourself up in the process.

Develop Autonomy. Experiment with asserting your autonomy. Work on knowing what you think, feel, and want, even when it is different from other people. Practice the following behaviors: Set limits when you need to. Express your desires or opinions. Stand your ground when others disagree or push their perspective. Recognize that other people may not always like what you say or do, and take the risk to do it anyway. As you practice being autonomous, your People Pleaser part may fear that you are being unpleasant or unnecessarily aggressive because it isn't used to this. Reassure it that you are just taking care of yourself, and that's OK. An Interactive Therapy Group is an excellent place to practice these new ways of relating.

In an organization or community, collaborate with others to assert yourselves when you are unhappy with the way things are. You don't have to just comply with the situation. There is support and strength in numbers. You can work to affect changes in the way things are done, or a group of you can create a better way of doing things on your own.

If there are social issues that affect you strongly, ban together with people who are affected by these issues. Instead of complying with the status quo, use your collective power to influence cultural values or governmental policy. Create social alternatives that reflect your vision of how things should be.

Uncover Hidden Aggression. Check to see if there is a part of you that feels resentful or defiant about your pleasing behavior. Welcome this part and hear its feelings. Is it angry that you always put other people's needs first? Does it want to rebel against the person or group that you have been pleasing? This part can be the source of the autonomy you need to develop. Encourage it to express its aggressive feelings. Then find ways to turn them into a healthy expression of personal power.

Choose Supportive People. Choose to be around people who appreciate your being yourself, who dont need to dominate or have their way, who can handle differences and challenges. Pick people who will support you in becoming autonomous. Protect yourself from being controlled. Dont take on people who are very powerful until you are strong enough.

Source - http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/people-pleasing