Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I have a friend which we call quite a bit and I have tried to get together with her and even made a date once and she canceled on me and went to her parents instead. I was bummed about this. I tried at different times to get together with her and same story--she has plans with another friend.
I had asked her if she only hangs out with people who has cars and she said YES and then in time she becomes friends with those people.. I do not have a car so that leaves me out of the loop of being a friend or staying a friend.
I can not continue trying to be a friend if she is not willing to be one since I do not have a car to use me like she does other people.
I hope all of this makes sense--I am very bumped and feels like sh*t
ladydi1961
I had asked her if she only hangs out with people who has cars and she said YES and then in time she becomes friends with those people.. I do not have a car so that leaves me out of the loop of being a friend or staying a friend.
I can not continue trying to be a friend if she is not willing to be one since I do not have a car to use me like she does other people.
I hope all of this makes sense--I am very bumped and feels like sh*t
ladydi1961
If you stop taking her behaviour personally and stop taking responsibility for her behaviour (I think your friend was probably like this WAY before you came along!), then what are you left with? You are left with realising that this is just the way she is. If this is the way she is, and if you can't change her, then how much time do want to spend with her? Do you still want to be friends with her? This gives you your power back. You can then decide how much time you want to spend with her. It is great to realise that we actually have choices in these situations!
Just remember, her behaviour is NOT a reflection of your self-worth, this is just the way she is. She may well end up being a 'pop in and out every now and then' friend or someone you speak to mostly on the phone, or you might end up deciding that you don't want to be friends with her at all. This is a decision for you to make.
It is typical codependent behaviour to take all the responsibility for other people's behaviour, we blame ourselves instead of allowing ourselves to see the other person as they really are- a habit we learned growing up, no doubt. Like hbg says, it's not your fault. Take care and I hope you feel better soon :)