I personally have shied away from medications, just because that is the way I am, but I have made use of herbal teas and natural remedies to help calm myself and help me through the really rough times.
I also use walking out in nature, prayer and meditation to help cope and calm myself.

You with the help of your docotr will have to be the judge of your own level of anxiety, and what will be the best thing for you. I think meds under the right circumstances and carfully monitored can be of use to help break a bad cycle, and to help you get a start on your recovery.
I hope this helps a little.
Well done for really trying to find ways to get better and to improve your life. You deserve so much better than the way you have been living, and hopefully your husband will be supportive of you as you try to help yourself.

Medication Vs Self improvement is a decision you must make on your own. I will say that I know from personal experience with my mother that refusing medication could be making the lives of your family miserable. She is where I learned how to be codependent from. Now the difference is she was never willing to deal with her issues either. Her viewpoint was "God is all I need". That worked out GREAT For her (/sarcasm).

The move from codependence to healthy individuality is a life long process for us. The further we move away the healthier we are. Some believe that total healing is possible. I personally do not. I believe it's unattainable, but effort is thoroughly rewarded. I don't know that I have depression, I believe what I have is an inherited negative outlook on life. Between unhealthy religious guilt and a nervous codependent mother who often used me as a counselor, I'm not sure I'll ever be okay. Maybe I need medication. I'm not opposed to trying if my doctor said I needed it. If you feel a second opinion is in order then get one. If you get that 2nd one though and it's same as the first then they are trying to tell you something. Now if you're a conspiracy theorist and believe that they are simply trying to push unneeded meds to pad their wallets, then you have trust issues with your doctor and should probably find one who is credible and trustworthy. It's not paranoia if someone's really out to get you lol.

The bottom line is we must always be willing to accept that we could be (not necessarily are, but could be) the problem in a relationship. It cannot always be the other person at fault. Our issues causing us to be the problem may not be our own fault, but sometimes we are still the problem nonetheless.

Possumlady,

I have experience with medication and I will share what I have found. At the time I started the medication for anxiety it was needed. It brought me to a place where I was able to start to manage my life.
This is what I did as I sat with my doctor. I told him that I wanted a medication that as I healed and got to a place where I could manage my life that I could back off the medication and eliminate it. This took several months and now I have eliminated the medication. It is difficult but ultimately the issues we deal with have to be resolved by us and not the medication. The medication is just a very helpful tool..
The most profound help for my anxiety is my faith in God, exercise in nature and the encouragement of trusted friends.
I pray that your husband can be supportive and patient. It can be difficult for a person not experiencing the anxieties to understand them and the process to overcome them. I also pray that you can communicate together so he can understand how difficult this is for you and that it will take time to heal.
Also you can find good people are here on DS that are and have dealt with similar issues that you are experiencing and can offer much needed support. Please use it. We are here for you.
I hope that this post is helpful to you. Remember you have more strength than you know and you will get through this.

Many blessings

I tried Lexipro for 3 weeks. Couldn't orgasm for like 45 minutes to an hour. Wife hated it and I worked up a sweat and it added to my anxiety. You might try Sam-E. Do some research by Googling it. I was on it for a few months and it was amazing but was burning up my intestines. I went off of it while I tried the Lexipro. Then went back on it. You are supposed to take it 30 minutes before eating. That is what may have been causing my stomach pains. I've now been back on it for almost 2 weeks and so far so good.

I used to be one of those people who thought medication was unnecessary and just an over-prescribed crutch. I tried to battle with depression on my own for three long years. I finally fell into such a slump that it was hard to get out of bed in the morning, and when I was up, my anxiety was so bad that I snapped at people all the time over the slightest thing. My life was completely unmanageable.

I finally took the terrifying step of seeing a psychiatrist, and was diagnosed with major/clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I'm on a combination of anti-depressants and xanax, and have been for about 8 months now. So far, so good - it certainly hasn't solved any problems, but it allows me to see things a little more clearly and not fly off the handle or by the seat of my emotions.

I am also reading up a lot on meditation, as well as several self-help books, in addition to talking therapy. When I am ready to go off the medication, I feel I will know it's right. I don't take more than the prescribed dosage of xanax, and some days I don't take it at all.

I guess my point is, don't be afraid of medication or feel it makes you weak or dependent. Ultimately, you have to decide what's right for you - trust yourself to know.

Thanx to everyone for your input. O have decided to try the meds because I feel too overwhelmed to work on my own issues, let alone the relatonship with my husband. I need to get myself in a better place so I can talk to my husband without feeling threatened. I feel so intimidated by conflict and raised voices, when this happens I lose it, start apologizing, feel like it's all my fault and start defending myself. This then makes my husband angry and it all blows up . I wish I could be more balanced and not react this way, I don't do it with anyone else