Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi -- Happy New Year.
My question is about the grey area between close artistic (professional) collaboration and friendship.
I'm a musician, keyboard player, and have a lot of close, longterm collaborations with other performers. The rapport is closer and more informal than in many other work relationships. Which usually is fine. And with a physical attraction it can be tempting to cross the line while working together. (Not recommended.)
But that's not the issue here. I work closely with a singer (I'll call "L") who I admire and like very much. (We're both female and straight.) It was surprising and it hurt that I wasn't invited to her wedding a couple years ago. Awkward when she showed me an obviously edited-down photo album but I thought I made my point when I said it looked beautiful and I wish I could have been there to play it for her.
Among our various ongoing projects together have been Friday evening services at a local synagogue where she is cantorial soloist and I've frequently subbed for the staff keyboardist. One Friday before our rehearsal L was finishing up her language coaching
session to prepare, she said, for her conversion and adult Bas Mitzvah as a pre-ordainment to becoming a Cantor rather than cantorial soloist.
It recently came up in conversation that the event has alrrady happened, again without my being included as a guest to attend the service (open to the public --which i would be -- and members of that congregation --who have warmly welcomed me.)
This time it burns more -- to play a service with her now that she has more officially mastered the material and I wasn't invited to celebrate with her and show my support.
What to do? Awkward either way and difficult to maintain a very good collaboration with such an unusual wall built up.
My question is about the grey area between close artistic (professional) collaboration and friendship.
I'm a musician, keyboard player, and have a lot of close, longterm collaborations with other performers. The rapport is closer and more informal than in many other work relationships. Which usually is fine. And with a physical attraction it can be tempting to cross the line while working together. (Not recommended.)
But that's not the issue here. I work closely with a singer (I'll call "L") who I admire and like very much. (We're both female and straight.) It was surprising and it hurt that I wasn't invited to her wedding a couple years ago. Awkward when she showed me an obviously edited-down photo album but I thought I made my point when I said it looked beautiful and I wish I could have been there to play it for her.
Among our various ongoing projects together have been Friday evening services at a local synagogue where she is cantorial soloist and I've frequently subbed for the staff keyboardist. One Friday before our rehearsal L was finishing up her language coaching
session to prepare, she said, for her conversion and adult Bas Mitzvah as a pre-ordainment to becoming a Cantor rather than cantorial soloist.
It recently came up in conversation that the event has alrrady happened, again without my being included as a guest to attend the service (open to the public --which i would be -- and members of that congregation --who have warmly welcomed me.)
This time it burns more -- to play a service with her now that she has more officially mastered the material and I wasn't invited to celebrate with her and show my support.
What to do? Awkward either way and difficult to maintain a very good collaboration with such an unusual wall built up.
You are simply a co-worker of hers--period and she did not invite you so that is sufficient enough for you and all you need to know. So back off.
The working situation is calm and good. If it were L and you brought this up and were pushing to know why you weren't invited to both of my PERSONAL events, I would be angry and upset with you (and since L is a singer), be asking management if anyone can replace you because you are getting too demanding of me as to inclusion in my personal life. DROP IT, and let it go or I see a loss of a job in the future.
This is not a management situation, L frankly chooses to work with me because of my stand-out expertise and facility. She herself has blurred the line. Over the last 10 years we've often been personal confidantes to each other and she has extended many other invitations to me, one on one.
And yes I understand the professional ethic of leaving my personal life at the door. It is an important aspect of my considerable success as a musician.
I'm really not suffering over this -- just thought I'd get some input. I would have entered the question on another board had I found one for workplace matters. Codependency seems to overstate the question.
It may very well be that the best solution is on a professional level and that's an easy, well-defined role to take.
I am not a member at that synagogue, nor any house of worship, but I'm a freelance musician with a lot of weekend gigs. So it isn't expected that I would attend services on a regular basis -- I typically don't have time and my collaborators, friends, family are aware of that. However if I had known about this particular one, I would have gladly attended if I didn't have another gig to play.