I made my first appointment for Friday to see a therapist on dealing with my codependency and self love deficit. I was scared but excited to start this recovery... I got a letter in the mail stating my insurance was denied for January - I work only part time and cannot get insurance through my job so I was getting it through the state for years.
I panicked - My bf does not want me going to another 12 step group - I crave attention and seem to attract the wrong kind at those groups - I also become very codependent on their "vision" of me and end up volunteering for WAY too much then get resentful and stressed when I get too much on my plate causing tension - relapse - and then guilt and shame!! UGH!
All I have now is this online forum and books, articles, and you tube videos - I am determined to learn as much as I can about this "illness". I am already noticing a change in me - especially in my reactions.
So today I was talking to my bf on the phone and he told me something that reminded me of somethin I read... when I told him he snapped at me... "Don't F*$#ing psychoanalyze me with your codependant bullshit" and "this (my past/codependent/issues) is all I ever hear about anymore, this is just another crutch for you to lean on to not take responsibility for your life" ..... OMG this hurt! Because I feel like for the first time I am ACTUALLY trying to change my ways, ACTUALLY trying to get to the root of the trauma, ACTUALLY feeling a tiny bit of self.
I waited a good 30 seconds to respond - tears welling up in my eyes. I said "I love you, i'll call you later. Bye"
This made me think though - Am I making shit up? Am I really codependent? Am I using this to numb my hurts?
Merry Christmas all. I just want to get this off my chest. I know its my fault but it stills hurts.I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship in April 2018. My ex tried to get me back until October. Then we had a big blown out. The same month I met a new guy. I ended up really liking him more than expected. But I noticed that he wasn't keeping his word. Like saying something as small as...
I’m normally very friendly with both men and women. I’m a guy in my 40s, by the way.I just moved to a new city and started meeting new people. One day, I met a friends roommate while visiting.roomate tells me he’s got no friends and his family kicked him out. He also says he goes fishing alone and does everything alone. He wants to know if he can join us on fishing trips.so, I invited him...