Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi all
I am sikh indian living in the uk. Just to let you all know the expected norm of being jatt sikh punjabi.
1) GROWN UP, being controlled -
2) Get an education
3) Get married in 20's to a sikh jatt punjabi guy
4) Have a big fat wedding - expensive -
5) Have kids
God forbib if u are over 30 and divorced with no kids! A whole different ball game! The way my mum says DIVORCEE - like its shit!
They would never suggest for me even marry a guy who has not been married - used materials. Its just the whole idea of being divorced - its wrong to be so judgemental .Who gives a monkey's thats life! Shit happens. It doesnt make any one better or less if they havent been married or have been married.
Now im getting oh your gonna be 33 in january, u should make a decision and have kids blah blah, i mean they are hardly making it easy for me to be with Simon, my british boyfriend.
Mum said it is in their blood and indian people wont change - thats rubbish, they choose to be like that - despite the norm and culture. The are in control of their own thoughts actions are they not! It all about shame, what will so and so think, its too much embarassed and shame if they cant say my daugther is married to a nice successful jatt sikh punjabi guy -
Even my cousin in Vancouver has been kicked out for being with a spanish girl. He is two years older than me, and his dad told him not to even come to his funeral if he was still with the spanish girl - bloody crap.
I am sikh indian living in the uk. Just to let you all know the expected norm of being jatt sikh punjabi.
1) GROWN UP, being controlled -
2) Get an education
3) Get married in 20's to a sikh jatt punjabi guy
4) Have a big fat wedding - expensive -
5) Have kids
God forbib if u are over 30 and divorced with no kids! A whole different ball game! The way my mum says DIVORCEE - like its shit!
They would never suggest for me even marry a guy who has not been married - used materials. Its just the whole idea of being divorced - its wrong to be so judgemental .Who gives a monkey's thats life! Shit happens. It doesnt make any one better or less if they havent been married or have been married.
Now im getting oh your gonna be 33 in january, u should make a decision and have kids blah blah, i mean they are hardly making it easy for me to be with Simon, my british boyfriend.
Mum said it is in their blood and indian people wont change - thats rubbish, they choose to be like that - despite the norm and culture. The are in control of their own thoughts actions are they not! It all about shame, what will so and so think, its too much embarassed and shame if they cant say my daugther is married to a nice successful jatt sikh punjabi guy -
Even my cousin in Vancouver has been kicked out for being with a spanish girl. He is two years older than me, and his dad told him not to even come to his funeral if he was still with the spanish girl - bloody crap.
sometimes when family traditions are to strong to break, the person should try to find a way to leave the family and start a life on its own..it might sound drastic but in these cases it's either the family or one self...
this does not only happens with cultural patterns, but with any family which traditions and thoughts are to strong to break...
in my case I know that for me to be myself and be happy I will have to eventually move out of the country ans make my life the way I want it far from here...still I love my family very very much.... but I need to be free.
like your cousin for example...he will probably have to start a life away from his family...sometimes drastic meassures have to be taken.
if you think you can take all your family comments on divorce and things, hang in there...
is there anyways you can start a life the way you like it away from your family? you do not have to break ties with them but maybe move to another city?...
Maybe I don't understand Indian (or, for that matter, British) culture, but...where's the LOVE? And the only true love you can count on is the love you feel for yourself. Only you know what is right for you. I say follow your heart. Let's change your numbers situation, shall we?
1) GROWN UP - can think for yourself
2) Get an education - in something that you're interested in and that makes you feel warm and fuzzy, which may or may not bring in a big paycheck
3) Get married, in the fullness of time, when you feel it's right, to a man who is healthy for you.
4) Have the wedding of your choice, that you feel is appropriate to the love you feel toward each other. Since a wedding, in its simplest, purest form is a proclamation of love before God and loved ones, I'm of the opinion, keep it small and intimate, either with just the two of you and an officiant handling the proceedings in a natural setting, under God's canopy, or a few people close to you who support your love. If biological family wants a big, fat wedding, might have to form a new "family", of friends.
5) Have kids, when you're financially and emotionally ready to be a loving parent and can make them a priority.
What are your SPIRITUAL (not necessarily RELIGIOUS) beliefs? What does your gut tell you, about yourself, and the type of relationship you'd like to have? Pay attention to that.
Knowing the history here, I'd tell Simon, and your family, to just leave you the hell alone for a couple years while you figure out what you want, but that's just me.