Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
hi all
i want to share this with everyone who may be codependent. I am definitely getting better. Here is a little example-
My mum and dad r from india. My dads family is still over there, and well they are typical indian people -ive figured out why i didnt have healthy boundries. Since i was a child we used to go stay at my dads parents house in india, whilst on holiday.The whole family is devious, they have stolen x amount of times from my mum and dad - and it took my dad a while to get it, that they were no good.
Well up until now this is what has happened.There are so many situation, so bare with me.
1) my cousin brother from india got a work visa for two years to come to the uk.
in that two years he didnt once visit my family, though he was invited by my dad.
2) my cousin brother is now apparently getting married and the wedding is taking place in jan 2011 - talk about short notice.
3) my dads brother from india rings my dad - dont know what was said apart from my dad told his brother off about my cousin brother not coming to see us. Anyway after they spoke, all of a sudden my dad wants us all to come to the wedding - despite the fact that his family are only interested in his money. Dads family think that he owes them - cus he is england and they r in india. So i saw mum and dad today and they told me about my cousin brothers wedding. Now in my head i have been thinking this is fuc.....ng crazy - they are telling me its acceptable to steal from each other. WRONG. Dad wants me to change my annual leave in jan and get two weeks off just like that. Of course having dysfunctonal parents its hard to say what you feel. You end up feeling crazy, which i do. Of course im not going - i cant pretend, it would make me really messed up. I feel like shaking my dad until he sees that his family's motive is all about money! I mean they are pretty wealthy in india and own lots of land.
3) Also when my brother got married my grandparents came over and stayed - money went missing from some family over from canada - and my parents fell out with my mums brother - but no one has talked about it - nothing was said when the money got stolen - so i guess thats ok - NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO ITS SO WRONG.
Now all i have to make sure on is NOT GOING. but how do i say no! I have to lie and make something up - cus going against them is just 2 hard - and for my sanity.
I came straight home and talked to Simon my partner before i was gonna blow, i had to get it out and to make sure i wasnt the one thats crazy...............
i want to share this with everyone who may be codependent. I am definitely getting better. Here is a little example-
My mum and dad r from india. My dads family is still over there, and well they are typical indian people -ive figured out why i didnt have healthy boundries. Since i was a child we used to go stay at my dads parents house in india, whilst on holiday.The whole family is devious, they have stolen x amount of times from my mum and dad - and it took my dad a while to get it, that they were no good.
Well up until now this is what has happened.There are so many situation, so bare with me.
1) my cousin brother from india got a work visa for two years to come to the uk.
in that two years he didnt once visit my family, though he was invited by my dad.
2) my cousin brother is now apparently getting married and the wedding is taking place in jan 2011 - talk about short notice.
3) my dads brother from india rings my dad - dont know what was said apart from my dad told his brother off about my cousin brother not coming to see us. Anyway after they spoke, all of a sudden my dad wants us all to come to the wedding - despite the fact that his family are only interested in his money. Dads family think that he owes them - cus he is england and they r in india. So i saw mum and dad today and they told me about my cousin brothers wedding. Now in my head i have been thinking this is fuc.....ng crazy - they are telling me its acceptable to steal from each other. WRONG. Dad wants me to change my annual leave in jan and get two weeks off just like that. Of course having dysfunctonal parents its hard to say what you feel. You end up feeling crazy, which i do. Of course im not going - i cant pretend, it would make me really messed up. I feel like shaking my dad until he sees that his family's motive is all about money! I mean they are pretty wealthy in india and own lots of land.
3) Also when my brother got married my grandparents came over and stayed - money went missing from some family over from canada - and my parents fell out with my mums brother - but no one has talked about it - nothing was said when the money got stolen - so i guess thats ok - NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO ITS SO WRONG.
Now all i have to make sure on is NOT GOING. but how do i say no! I have to lie and make something up - cus going against them is just 2 hard - and for my sanity.
I came straight home and talked to Simon my partner before i was gonna blow, i had to get it out and to make sure i wasnt the one thats crazy...............
Be strong and maintain those new boundaries you are putting into your life, and I hope you find an honest way that you can tell your parents that you are not going with them. You do not need to feel that you have to lie in order to protect them. You want to find a way to do what is right in your own life, so don't allow the concerns about them control who you are and who you want to be.
Good luck! I know it is not easy to stand up for yourself, especially when you have been raised in a culture with such strong controls as you have. Well done for doing this.