Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
In relationships, codependents assume a variety of roles that protect their illusions and keep them in a relationship:
The Rescuer covers for an addicted partner by making excuses for work absences or "saves" a loved one from his overbearing mother by meddling in their relationship.
The Caretaker assumes home, social or even all of the relationship responsibilities in an effort to minimize trouble and relieve tension caused by the partner's negligence or indifference.
The Joiner rationalizes or even participates in addictive behaviors, signaling to the partner that the behavior is sometimes acceptable.
The Hero exerts "superhuman" efforts to be successful- an attempt to protect the couple's or family's image by drawing attention away from the problems.
The Complainer blames all of the relationship or family problems on the partner's behavior, without hope of or effort toward changing the situation.
The Adjuster masks concern and confusion with apathy, hoping that if they don't talk about the problem, it will go away.
These roles help unhealthy relationships continue. When you assume one of them, you give the other person control and render yourself powerless to change the situation. Roles can be difficult to give up, however, because they keep you from seeing the reality of the situation and acknowledging that your own needs aren't being met.
The Rescuer covers for an addicted partner by making excuses for work absences or "saves" a loved one from his overbearing mother by meddling in their relationship.
The Caretaker assumes home, social or even all of the relationship responsibilities in an effort to minimize trouble and relieve tension caused by the partner's negligence or indifference.
The Joiner rationalizes or even participates in addictive behaviors, signaling to the partner that the behavior is sometimes acceptable.
The Hero exerts "superhuman" efforts to be successful- an attempt to protect the couple's or family's image by drawing attention away from the problems.
The Complainer blames all of the relationship or family problems on the partner's behavior, without hope of or effort toward changing the situation.
The Adjuster masks concern and confusion with apathy, hoping that if they don't talk about the problem, it will go away.
These roles help unhealthy relationships continue. When you assume one of them, you give the other person control and render yourself powerless to change the situation. Roles can be difficult to give up, however, because they keep you from seeing the reality of the situation and acknowledging that your own needs aren't being met.
I am not sure what role I play but I know I have thus far been an active participant..... . that I have just recently identified and that is one of the best things I have ever accomplished in this coda business besides identifying I am coda.
Admitting my role is freeing in itself. Now I am working on exceptional boundaries.
Today at the shrinks office where I got something to sleep for PTSD...specifically for this disorder...she wanted to look further at something of mine that was personal and private....but I said with a voice I never had before....that is personal Dr. K. I did not have to say anything further nor offer any apologies. It felt very empowering not to have to apologize for standing up to what was rightfully mine and mine alone. Wow!
But partly it was because she had good boundaries....not like some lout who has to be told a zillion times and still does not get it. That will be the next challenge I am sure. Just watch....I will either come on here weeping with a drama story to vent about or I will come here with another success story.....and the tides of time continue.
I've only just become aware of the idea of co-dependancy and found the list of types very interesting - I think I may be like this, but I'm getting the message that it's a fault in some way and that it's a character flaw I should change?
It seems that we should all now be striving for the 'ideal' relationship in which we should all be getting our every need met and where we are all totally equal
Does co-dependancy automatically equal unhappiness?
On the other hand being in recovery i am content, letting go of ego .. relaxes my mind, Taking one day at a time and living in present helps me to live life and experience it as its happening, framing a positive mind helps me to be happy, Doing things for self and communicating my needs to others makes me live free.. Saying NO and STOP helps me to get over guilt and protect self...
Definitely it feels good... Recovery for life yes i am in it and loving it.
So...what's the solution? If these are unhealthy roles, what are healthy roles? I think I know the answer, but want to hear you say it, star.