Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
The problem for Codependents is not what has already happened or not happened - in the PAST. But what is NOW going on internally or not going on internally all day long.
The solution is to change the internal experience. And the external behaviors. Working on the behaviors reinforces the change of internal experience. And working on the internal states & feelings can help change the behaviors.
The process of recovery is not a passive experience. This can be difficult for ACAs because part of the problem characteristics of ACAs is to see oneself usually as a passive a victim. However, something about ourselves must change if life is to change.
Some of the steps of the on-going, long term, and often lifelong work, include:
1. Learning to recognize and articulate feelings and honor their purposes
2. Become skilled at communicating those feelings in an respectful way that enhances both us & other people
3. Learning to identify the meanings (interpretations) we have made of our experience & the meanings (interpretations) of what others feel, believe & do
4. Coming to understand our sensitivity to various emotional themes that echo our childhoods
5. Becoming familiar with the sabotaging internal talk of our inner critic
6. Learning how the internal self-talk functions
7. Appreciating that the inner critic is not us, that we are separate and can chose our preferences, beliefs, actions and that we not only have that right, but that obligation to our selves
8. Cherishing our Real Self, and responding in an authentic manner in the face of the internal critics attempt to control and limit us
9. Making a deep commitment to our own wellbeing. Seeing that its our turn NOW to choose the life we want and the self we want to be
10. Learning to set boundaries
11. Developing self empathy
12. Learning new healthy ways to comfort ourselves when we have unpleasant feelings
13. Growing a new, healthy identity
14. Forming new friendships which reinforce new self concepts
15. Possibly changing careers or adding new hobbies and interests
16. Reaping the rewards of your hard work and feeling grateful for how your life has changed and who you know yourself to be NOW
Source - http://www.dr-jane-bolton.com/co-dependency.html
The solution is to change the internal experience. And the external behaviors. Working on the behaviors reinforces the change of internal experience. And working on the internal states & feelings can help change the behaviors.
The process of recovery is not a passive experience. This can be difficult for ACAs because part of the problem characteristics of ACAs is to see oneself usually as a passive a victim. However, something about ourselves must change if life is to change.
Some of the steps of the on-going, long term, and often lifelong work, include:
1. Learning to recognize and articulate feelings and honor their purposes
2. Become skilled at communicating those feelings in an respectful way that enhances both us & other people
3. Learning to identify the meanings (interpretations) we have made of our experience & the meanings (interpretations) of what others feel, believe & do
4. Coming to understand our sensitivity to various emotional themes that echo our childhoods
5. Becoming familiar with the sabotaging internal talk of our inner critic
6. Learning how the internal self-talk functions
7. Appreciating that the inner critic is not us, that we are separate and can chose our preferences, beliefs, actions and that we not only have that right, but that obligation to our selves
8. Cherishing our Real Self, and responding in an authentic manner in the face of the internal critics attempt to control and limit us
9. Making a deep commitment to our own wellbeing. Seeing that its our turn NOW to choose the life we want and the self we want to be
10. Learning to set boundaries
11. Developing self empathy
12. Learning new healthy ways to comfort ourselves when we have unpleasant feelings
13. Growing a new, healthy identity
14. Forming new friendships which reinforce new self concepts
15. Possibly changing careers or adding new hobbies and interests
16. Reaping the rewards of your hard work and feeling grateful for how your life has changed and who you know yourself to be NOW
Source - http://www.dr-jane-bolton.com/co-dependency.html
Me, too. This is a great post. Thanks!
Shar
I'm also rebuilding my support network as well. Reconnecting with friends, attending CoDA meetings, weekly sessions with therapist. All of these are helping to build a more healthy support network.
Good to see it in print. Thanks for taking the time to type and share.