Read down on the threads on here there are
Some great articles.

Have you tried reading melodie beattie’s book
Codependent no more or there is another one
By her The New codependency. Darlene
Lancer has Some great writes ups and books.

There is a lot to read and educate yourself
On the Internet too. Ross Rosenberg, lisa a
romano. Pia mellody and john bradshaw Are
Some of my favorites. You Can Look Them
up on youtube.

I Myself go to 12 step groups to help me to
recover And there is always therapy. I have
Done whatever it takes Once i came off my
Bottom and became humble.

Learning to love myself has been a long
Road. Accepting myself and being self
Compassionate takes time and patience,
Hugs

I feel that’s what I definitely need to do more of. Researching and learning about this codependency that I have. I’ve read codependent no more but I stopped researching after that feeling like I can get through without help. I definitely am wrong about that. I think I want to look into this more and more especially a 12 step group to help me too. Thank you for all the advice and the resources, you have no idea how much it means to me for you sharing this.

i still do not love myself the way i would like. but i'm getting there.

it's a journey, not a destination....baby stepping

Also, that without DS and al anon i'd still be going in the same circles i've been going in for ???? a life time

Coming out of denial and acknowledging
There is a problem is a good first step. Glad
You have read Melodies CNM. I use the
Alanon program myself. CNM is basically
The same thinking.

Its not enough just having the knowledge
alone. You have to feel it on a deeper level.
Thats the really hard part.

I remember my own insanity of Trying to fix
my marriage so That We could stay together
it had become toxic that Did not stop me. The
codependent brain can be very willful and
Very determined.

Recovery is a journey that takes time we did
Not get like we are overnight and there are
many lessons to learn along the way.

Do you come from alcoholism or from
Its dysfunction? Many of us come from
Like homes. I like to say codependent/
Wounded inner child/adult child they
Are all basically the same thing. Thats
My opinion anyways.

There is always ACA/ACOA. Thats adult
children of alcoholics and/or dysfunction
it's another 12 step group or there is CODA
Codependents anonymous, HUGS

Reading and educating myself about codependency is as far as I gotten for sure. I’m stuck on trying to feeling it on a deeper level. But it has opened my eyes up As opposed to before I was completely clueless and just acting on pure emotion and being hurt or trying to be the victim.
I was always told from an early age and constantly throughout my life about my dad being an alcoholic. It kind of scared me into ever taking a drink or even a sip of alcohol until just recently in my life.
My brother is definitely an alcoholic. I still live around him everyday and I witnessed a lot of things he has done to my parents and family throughout my life where I just can’t stand to be in the same room as him for more than a few seconds. His anger issues has definitely calmed down a lot but idk i just don’t see him as a brother anymore.
I definitely feel like I need some sort of step plan or group. I just feel so vulnerable all the time.

I don't have tv, so I'm a utube/netflix person....the below are two Ted Talks that helped me a lot....hope they do the same for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeDt9dgFXFk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

Thank you so damn much, you have no idea how much I appreciate this, I’m watching them right now

I am So glad we can help. I am an over educated
Idiot on lots of this stuff. The big but is It has to filter
down deep inside Of us for real Change and growth.

There is a lot of grief to move thru too and Facing
ourselves so Be gentle with yourself as You move
thru your recovery. Much of it is from our childhood
So it takes reparenting and retraining, hugs

Doing the hard work to fix ourselves is hard work but it is so valuable and it supports our inner selves for the rest of our lives. I believe your original post in acknowledging how you think is the first step. You are getting educated about yourself and you are choosing to heal yourself. What I did to jump start my self love was to recognize that I had to choose to love myself. So I made that choice, I will love myself first and foremost. Sometimes I use quotes or phrases that I write down and read several times a day. Sometimes I journal. And now, when faced with various difficulties in life, or conflict with others, I say to myself, what is the best action I can do that supports my own self love, self value. If I love myself first, what is the wise action? This usually helps me focus on what I need. Say my husband is crabby today, or the boss is yelling at people, I say this to myself. So if I love myself first, then I won't take verbal abuse and will speak up about how this isn't right. Or I might give them a pass knowing I am giving them a pass, but not in fear that they won't like me, as in the old days, but in wisdom that no one is perfect. It is hard work to change our thinking, but this is the only way I know to improve ourselves.

Another area similar to the above links, connected with not taking the 'it' of abuse in from another person OR yourself. When critical about something done, or self talk, try to ask yourself if you were speaking to someone you know or don't know...would you be mean and hurtful to them for a mistake? or like Urbangardener, give them a pass or respectfully let them know how their actions or words effected your choices, behaviors, feelings?

Another area that has helped me a lot with non judgement, compassion is this Buddhist Nun, Pema Chodron. She has many utube video's which have helped me to have more compassion and understanding about myself. Change is a process of starts and stops, falling down and getting back up again, despite the pain or fear you might be feeling...I'm still baby-stepping...it's about progress and Not perfection.

Codependency is not a term we use daily and when we are diagnosed with being codependent, it's a huge learning curve. There are alot of resources online that can help you. Once I educated myself about what exactly codependency was...I made myself a list.

For example this are some issues codependents have:

Putting yourself last
Trying to control other people
Perfectionism
Playing small
Always assuming the worst
Doubting your higher wisdom
Addiction
Procrastination
Staying in toxic relationships
Needing the approval of others

So for example the first one, "PUTTING OURSELVES LAST". I wrote that out, and made a list of ways I had put myself last in the past (you can do, last week, last year, last relationship...whatever you choose).

Then underneath that, make a list of ways you're going to start putting yourself first. Then as an assignment for that week...start doing that. Every time you do an action where you put yourself first...write it down.

I know it's tedious...and its like homework...but it helped me gain confidence by seeing the improvements I was making, and being able to reflect back. I use that to come back to every now and then...to remind myself when I'm slipping back to codependent behaviors.

Now...there's so many behaviors...but tackle one each week, and take it seriously.

These are learned behaviors of yours for x number of years...you're not going to change over night. But by practicing and undoing each unhealthy behavior...you will lay out the foundation to a healthier you.

The website esteemology.com is an amazing site for codependency, relationships, and self esteem. Read her articles if you get a chance!

If you have any questions you can message me as well.

Good luck...you can overcome these behaviors and just believe in yourself!

Sending you light and love!

When we start putting ourselves first, by correcting our codependent behaviors/thoughts...it will be much easier for us to love ourselves...b/c when we undo these behaviors...we are showing ourselves love by taking care of ourselves in healthy ways.

For example...if I wanted to be a marathon runner but I've been a couch potato. I will start off walking maybe 15 min a day. Then bump that to 1 hr. Then I'll try to start jogging. Then maybe do a 5k, so on and so on until I am physically conditioned enough...to tackle a marathon. But by then I will have completed all the behaviors, small goals, larger ones...to let me be able to run a marathon.

Same with loving yourself healing from codependency. We don't know how to love ourselves. We have unhealthy behaviors. So we start small. Instead of going to dinner b/c our partner wants to and normally appease them...we decide to stay in and read a book. Instead of buying the snacks our friend wants, we buy the ones we want. Instead of staying up late to help someone who is always draining us, we decide to leave and get some rest for our own health.

In these little decisions we are making for our own benefit, we are showing ourselves love.

One day...you will feel a better sense of well being b/c these actions will add up...and sooner or later ...hopefully will be second nature to you.

I hope that helps. I wish someone would have explained it this way to me...when I first was told I was codependent.