Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
This is my first post and first online group... Not really sure what to expect but let's try hey.
I have recently broke up with my partner that started AA only 5 months ago and at the time I couldn't see why no matter what we tried it wouldn't work. Now I can see the alcoholism was a big contributer and also my co dependency. Firstly I need to say, I told hope in my heart that with both of us recovering that we have a possible future.
i have read co dependency no more, going to therapy and al anon meetings but I just want to get my recovery done. I want to have a family one day and my time is running out which is putting a lot of pressure on me. Plus I want to get well for myself and also to possibly work on my past relationship or build a new one.
My father died when I was young and I hold many resentments that seem to really harm myself. I have had many relationships that I have stuffed up being the way I am. I learnt it from my mother who is still very much like this today and is a victim. I know my programming needs to change so I can move on.
I would love to hear, how do people get the change to come about, what do you do daily? Weekly? I am in the 12 step program with al anon as the coda group seems unwell and I want so much to be well. My self worth is low but high engough to know I want change..
I am in pain, I want to build a life with someone, that someone I truly love but my shit gets in my way.
Thanks
My ex-partner was also in AA (3yrs sober), and I have only recently discovered that I have codependency issues. If your ex-partner wants to be friends, I think that it's important to support each other, and also be appreciative that you are both taking initiatives to positively impact your lives. It will most likely bring you two on an even closer bond than before. But most importantly, you need to focus on yourself.
I understand that you want to "be done with recovery". I used to get frustrated with my partner because he was so devoted to his stepwork that it took away from "our" time and I couldn't wait for him to be complete. I was ignorant and selfish. I had to realize this wasn't a summer class course. Even after he has successfully completed his 12 Steps - he will continuously be involved in AA since the practices he learned and believes in will be a complete part of his lifestyle. This will most likely be the same scenario for your practices as well.
My advice would be to look at your situation to losing weight. Losing weight, and making drastic personal changes takes time. You have to find a workout regime that works for you - as you should find a program that works for you (not all Al-Anon Meetings are the same, check out different locations or times and audiences). The formula for weight loss is more than just working out, you need to make sure you are putting good foods inside your body. In your situation, you should find outlets of self improvement or meditation to feel good inside. And somewhat lastly, it takes time, consistency, and drive/dedication to lose weight. No one loses 20lbs over night. The same way a person doesn't change over night. Slowly but surely you will make small personal progress.
Last week he told me that he has another partner. This has thrown me right back in to turmoil and deep pain.
Lots of questions about how he can work his program and be in a new relationship etc. why I couldn't give me what he needed.
It's has also made me realise some of my recovery efforts where for him and not solely for me.