Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Stage 1:
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Stage 2:
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in this same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Stage 3:
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in...it's a habit...but my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Stage 4:
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Stage 5:
I walk down a different street.
Source - http://www.positivelypresent.com/2009/04/walk-down-a-different-street.html
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Stage 2:
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in this same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Stage 3:
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in...it's a habit...but my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Stage 4:
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Stage 5:
I walk down a different street.
Source - http://www.positivelypresent.com/2009/04/walk-down-a-different-street.html
So, even though I've still been attracting and been attracted to a couple of fellows who seemed to fit the criteria for "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" since I've started dating this past year...I've recognized the red flags...lack of empathy...haughty, arrogant attitude...envy...anger lurking below the surface that is stirred with the sightest disagreement with their beliefs...exaggerated achievements...blaming others...one-sided conversations... I grew up with that, so it's all soooo familiar...
When I have spoken the truth about what I am seeing or have set a boundary related to what I need, it has not gone over so well. The developing relationship comes to an end pretty quickly. It's still hard, though, because the attraction is still there for a little while for me, and I keep eyeing Stage 2 and thinking about all the positive things I liked about the fellow...and I have moments of thinking...did I imagine all that?...maybe it would have worked out better if I had done something differently...maybe that side of him wouldn't have come out...I miss him...bla bla bla...
I'm leaving that goofy lizard picture up for myself until I stop looking back at Stage 2...
Pixiegal this makes me laugh..
Thought I was between stages 3-4 But I had a relapse of momentary sanity by a man 19 years my junior. LOL..go figure that one the smooth operator or the color blind woman.....falling into the whole hole.
He can talk.
Forget the Prince Charming Frog...gettin me a lizard....& may kiss it too. Ehhhhhhhh.
It is a habit. I got out. All by myself & that is empowering. Ok, I cheated a wee bit, I did not get out til I got here.....to you...my DS coda family.
Thanks again for being here.
You too Daystar for the discussiion & education & awareness.
I just wish I knew exactly what happened. I thought I was walking down a different street and with a fresh pair of eyes, an open heart and even a new pair of shoes....
I thought I had learned my lessons, grieved, took time, earnestly worked on myself, healed, forgiven, grown.
After a couple of years love came to me. I was shocked, cautious but remained open. I didn't just jump. I asked the right questions. Expressed my wants and desires moving forward into this next phase of my life and on and on. This became the most amazing, healthiest and fulfilling love relationship that I've ever known. And it was more than obvious that it was mutual. I was never going to settle for a one sided thing again. And than poof! Gone!
I am not ok. I am not rebounding. I continue to go to coda mtgs and therapy but I am truly struggling just to have hope, faith, trust and a belief about anything anymore, because I did have all those things. I didn't even lose myself in this relationship but rather found and connected with deeper parts of myself.
Now I just feel so lost and don't know what to do or how to get past this.