Oh, I can so relate. This is what happened to me. I caught my boyfriend of 6 years with many incriminating emails with other females last year. to make a long stry short, with me trying to believe him for a year and still finding things like red lobster dinner receipts and Victoria secret receipts, i finally sought help.
I went to a theraist who told me that I was the poster child for being codependent. I am reading codependent no more, on this site and really opening my eyes.,
My therapist told me to stop all contact with him, that I would be doing him a favor by letting him stand on his own 2 feet. I haven't been able to do that. He still has a key to the garage, etc. So, I have stopped calling him, but he calls me every few days.
He called me on Tuesday ranting that I threw him out, I don't care, etc. I said It is hard for me, I miss the good things, but not the women issues. He pushed, so I said allright, come over one night after work and we will talk. He hasn't, although he has called me and I have asked him twice if he was coming over, Once via text and he ignored it, said the next day he didn't get it.( yeah sure) And last night, when he answered, oh, I'll stop by SOME night!
I realized that: 1. this is the same game. He can't stand to be rejected. He has been rejecting me all year. 2. He is just trying to suck me into his little web again. He doesn';t want me and his hurt is not about him losing me. He has never said "what can I do to rectify this?" He has only attacked me.His hurt is about being rejected by me. he wants to keep me on his string to periodically reject me.
I feel so bad for his being hurt, that I lay myself under his wheels again and again. This is not new to me. I did this with husbands no 1 and 2.
So, I have been doing something I have never done. I have actually been hugging mself and telling me that I love you. I am telling the little girl who had to always take care of her alcoholic mom, her brother, the teen with depression who thought she didn't fit in and the adult who has struggled to find love. I am giving it to myself. I cry everytime I do this and I just let the grief flow. I have so much.
I am not going to ask him over again,nor call him. I have to think of me.
And when I do think of me, I see that I am off of work on disability right now for severe neck pain, I am in a deep state of burnout form the pain, the job and him. My cat died in my arms last week, My dog is depressed. I take narcotics for the pain and run the risk of abuse with them. He doesn;t call me to see how I feel. He doesn't show any remorse for his actions. So, what am I doing? I need to take care of me...
So, hug yourself. Start in the shower, tell yourself just how much you love you. You will be surprised like I was how much emotion I felt. Then stop and think about this chic and what she is doing to you.
I used to tell cheater how much I needed affection and he with held from me, too. Actually pushed me off of him
And as I write this, I see that my therapist is right, I do need to stop all contact. This week, my neck hurt so bad that I couldn't stand it.
I dreamed of him, that he came over and then left. I said where did you go. He said I don't live here anymore. I cried and cried in my sleep. He hugged me and said he would marry me. I was happy again. Then he said I am going to a party out of town for the weekend with this lady, but she is just a friend. And I then said, o yeah, that is why he moved out. I woke up crying.
Good lck to yo sister. You are a beautiful lady. Take care of you.

Thank you I really appreciate your post =)

wow oneladygo, doing the same thing to my inner child and it works. i just posted this am concerning this. if you really stop and listen to the voices in your head it is a child who is scared and wants loved and taken care of and to know that she will be ok and that will be loved. no one else can do this for us other than ourselves.