Hi, sassybabe.

I will pray for you. I am sad to hear about your dear sister.

Well, I hope that you take very good care of yourself.

I think that since you are an adult, you don't have to do what

people expect you to do. Furthermore, you can do what you want to do.

With Love for you,
heathercliff

I'm sorry. I watched my brother die of cancer and sepsis back in late 2006-early 2007, and it sucked. My brother's and my relationship, I think, was pretty good, but I kinda swept his feelings under the rug at times, in the interest of having a "good time" with him. I have some regrets. I wish I would've held him and hugged him more. I felt totally helpless, like a schmuck.

I'm sure your sister isn't CHOOSING to be a martyr! You have the perfect opportunity here, to mend some broken fences, before it's too late! Apologize, for whatever your past transgressions may have been, cry with her a bit, let her know that you love her. Do it now!

thanks for the comments. she is still hanging in barely and i just want to go to work today. thought she would pass overnight and did not. i have my boundaires also and feel as usual that my sister thinks that i am not doing enough. last night a friend suggested that i sleep in the sick sisters room and let the other ( the martyr) sleep in her bed. said no cant do that will break up it up and stay 1/2 night. martyr sis said- i dont need your to do that i am fine, been doing it for along time. she was angry i could tell but i did not sign up to be her primary care giver. she did she is not working and would not have stayed out the room if i had stayed in there part of night. not sure why it seems that they think that i should stay in room with her when there are like 8 people in the house. so i felt very uncomfortable and wanted to go home. almost did but stayed night and left early this am. i will not let her try to demonize me, going to limit my time there today. this is what they always do to me and not this time. protecting myself and i have made peace with sick sister and its over. we really did not think she would make it through the night.

Oh, so "martyr" is sister #2, not the sister who is dying. I get it.

Well, I don't blame you for not wanting to be part of that drama. Sounds like martyr is the one to make peace with, if that's possible.

So hard to hold your own. Honor your dying sister as best as you can. Don't worry about drama with martyr sister, offer to help her but let martyr choose her way. Everyone responds differently. Just do your best and what you would feel proud of years down the line.

I am sorry about your sister and all the added stress that is going on. I'm sending a hug and a prayer your way.

I'm so sorry to hear of your ailing sister's health. She is blessed to have you in her life.

It is hard when our pain gets complicated by other family members bad treatment of us (I'm all too familiar).

In those times, all I can do is try to keep my focus on what's most important: the person who is suffering.

Pain can get so easily deflected onto others as they have their own agendas. It's hard enough, just feeling the pain. Sometimes others become our targets when they "trigger" us.

I have had to do a lot of deep breathing and say to myself many times over, Louise Hay's affirmation:

"I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free." This sets Us free.

((HUGS)) My thoughts are with you.