I agree that silence seems to mean some thing is wrong.

Silence feels very uncomfortable.

I have tried to keep silent and speak only when there is some thing to say, or just let the other person speak first, then later I feel like it was my fault that the other person had a negative time with me.

So I offer no solution and it is still a problem with me as I do not know when to shut up or when not too.

I grew up in a big loud family so when there was noises and shouting then that meant everything was fine, and I love to sleep when I hear people noises in the background.

Silence is not always a bad thing. In fact, comfortable silence can be very relaxing. Sometimes it's good just to snuggle up w/ the one you love & not say a word. So don't think that silence is always bad...you don't have to fill every moment of silence with chatter/noise/etc... Maybe you could relax & see what happens the next time you get nervous about silence?

~C

I agree with cemetery here, not all silence is bad..It is so nice just to come home and sit down to a few moments of peace to help unwind from work..or enjoy a good movie together...but silence after an argument or being used as a control tactic is disheartening and demeaning.

Nope, not me. I like quiet. My H complains that he feels I don't listen to him and I think it's because I don't totally engage in a conversation when he is telling me something. I think its rude to interrupt. Also, sometimes he forgets he has already told me something. I don't want to embarass him or sound critical by saying yeah, you already told me; so I just listen. If I say what I said the last time he told me then we just have the same exact conversation. I find it tiresome. But I think that someday I might go about repeating myself and I would like people to treat me respectful if I do.

Hope that makes sense. Don't really know if it is a co-dependant trait or not.

I grew up in a house of 4 kids. My Dad would comment to us, "Are you just talking to hear your head rattle?" In other words, if your not really saying anything important; shut up. It sounds mean, but now that I have kids of my own I think I can Sympathize a little with him. Although I never say what he did.

Thats a cute baby in your avatar. (((HUGS)))

I would suggest music. Not as a panacea to avoid awkward silences but to engage in a higher form of stimulus.
Talking to communicate is fundamentally important. Useless chatter to fill a void can be a band aid approach to mask a lack of real communication.
I am not sure if you are in this boat but my ex was a serial cheat and liar. The talk he did engage in was to hide his double life, he often would go into long silences. During times of his non talk I used to pick up the slack and chat away happily, therefore, I didn't feel alone but obviously was.

When I was married (my young years) then my in-laws would often be quiet or silent, but I always turned on the TV or radio as "noise", and I would often drive the family members around and they nick named me as "jammin James" because they were so unaccustomed to always having the radio music playing as I always did.

They would drive around with the radio off and little talking and I still find that amazing.

Jamming to the music was me, and so I do believe it has some connection with my own codependency.

Hi EBeth,please correct me if I'm wrong,but it seems like it could be insecurity.If hubby works all day,and a new mom is home with a baby,then not only would she probably crave "adult"company,but might also be looking for some validation from hubbyIt seems that if one was sitting in a silent room with thier mate,and feeling anxiety over it,then it might be that the one feeling anxious has something unresolved(lonliness,boredom,a need for validation).
When I became a new mom I FELT like I had gone from being a beautiful lively woman,to carrying a quilted bag,hair thrown up in pony tail,bags under the eyes"mommy".I DID love being a new mommy and was happy for the most part but I also felt uneasy about this new "identity".Maybe you and hubby could get out and or take some time for yourself alone?Love and hugs-Jen

Absolutely! Don't you know it is our job, as codependents, to fill the silence so that others don't feel uncomfortable, As a "Cody", we are always checking the status of the relationship... because we don't want to be left, so we do the constant dance of manipulation regardless of how it affects us. We will even draw unwanted attention by saying rediculous things, just to make everyone feel comfortable because we all know how silence is "awkward" and it is "our job to fix it.

Here's the question. Why do you feel the need to fill the silence ? What would happen if you didn't fill the silence? That's a good beginning.

My goal is that my "insides, match my outsides". That I am just who I am.

Beleive me, it took alot of work and soul searching for me to realize it wasn't my job to make everyone comfortable (even my abuser!). I have to work on it everyday.

You'll do great because you are aware enough to ask the question. You knew in your gut, it wasn't "normal". You will be just fine if you keep asking those type of questions in your effort to take care of yourself.

To me it's the difference between Introversion and Extraversion. Extraverts love to talk, Introverts typically do not have the need to talk (outloud, all their 'talking' is inside. Some call it thinking.). My wife and I are like James' inlaws: drive for miles without the radio on and say nothing. It could be you're just a really good extravert...

Nope, I like quiet. My abusive BF was the one who used to chatter. Mainly about himself though LOL!!!